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Post by rose33 on Feb 4, 2019 9:24:43 GMT
I've been MD for a very long time, but I never told anyone. Everytime I watch something interesting or read something interesting, it kick start my dreams. When I'm daydreaming, I oftenly go to my room and close the curtains and every source of light, put my headphones on and hold my phone in my left hand while turning around myself. And the thing is, I can go like this for more than 3 hours without noticing at all. My legs would hurt and my toes would bleed, but I wouldn't feel anything. The world in my head was so real, so much more interesting it took over my life.
I am a high school students, I can't let something like that take over me, I need to focus my attention on my studies, but god, I can't.
I daydream for 3 hours everyday on average and it has caused me many health problems.
It damaged my left eye, since my room is dark and the light in my left hand is focused on me left eye. I need glasses to see now.
I also have social anxiety, and I can't bear to look into people's eyes, not even my parents or my brothers and sisters.
I tried once to get rid of it by not listening to music at all,but I when I did this I had many panic attacks and I grew more anxious than before. I just couldn't.
It's really embarrassing, I feel very stupid, I've been depressed for a very long time too. I cry everyday on nonsense, sometimes on nothing.
I think of suiciding sometimes, but I know I don't have the strength to do it. Cause I'm so weak.
Maybe that's why I have MD, I'm so weak I can't accept the way my life is.
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Post by Dimmer on Feb 4, 2019 14:49:52 GMT
I'm no expert but I doubt that's why. MD is often comorbid with things, have you ever considered that you might have something like depression or OCD or anxiety? Those suck to have but they are treatable. If there is something else going on you won't have much luck kicking the daydreaming until you address that too, especially if the MD is a coping mechanism for the other thing.
When I started reducing my MD my mental health actually got WORSE for a while, because all the things MD was hiding started coming out. I've had to work on a lot of anxiety to be able to make any progress at all, but it does get a lot better.
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Post by Sam on Feb 4, 2019 18:25:40 GMT
I agree with everything that Dimmer said. And I have something else to add.
First of all, you don't have to feel embarrassed. Most of us here on the forum have similar stories and failed attempts to stop daydreaming. Its normal to feel what you're feeling right now. Perhaps as you read more threads on this forum you will feel less alone. Second, this has nothing to do with weakness. Many people who have maladaptive daydreaming have other comorbid mental health conditions as well and very frequently daydreaming has become a coping skill for those other mental health conditions. And as much as MD can get harmful and overall be a Not Good coping skill, its still a coping skill and as such, your brain resists very hard when you try to take the coping skill away. Its like people who deal with their mental health conditions by drinking or doing drugs. Its not healthy, but your brain doesn't care because it helps (or seems to help, even though it can cause more problems than it solves).
As someone who also uses music to daydream, perhaps instead of cutting out music entirely (which can be incredibly difficult, and, as you noticed, even traumatic and anxiety-causing), try to listen to a song but be completely present while doing so. Lay down on your bed, pick a song (maybe not one that you usually get lost in, at least for your first try), and really listen to the song. Pay attention to the lyrics and the instruments. If you notice yourself drifting into a daydream, that's okay. Try to pull yourself back to reality, maybe by focusing on your breath.
Another thing that you could try is to keep your window open while daydreaming. Or at least have a light on, if you feel uncomfortable having the window open. This may not prevent you from daydreaming but it could do two things. A) Changing your routine could bring you back to reality enough for you to consciously decide to stop daydreaming at that moment (not in general, but just that specific daydream that you were lost in) and B) having more light could prevent further damage to your eyes, if the damage was, in fact, caused by your daydreaming routine.
As for the social anxiety, perhaps you could practice looking into the eyes of people in pictures. Once you're comfortable with that, you could move on to doing it with someone you trust (a friend, a parent, idk just someone that you trust). It may also help to open up with someone about the problem that you're having so that they can support you and help you work on it.
Sorry this got so long. I hope you find some support and healthy coping tips on the forum :)
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Post by WonderWonderer on Feb 4, 2019 20:15:33 GMT
First of all, its a big step sharing your MD story (even online), congratulations! So you are not as weak as you think. It takes courage and courage is power. I have MD since my earliest memory and I use a similar method (no light, music and spinning). I used to daydream for hours, denying real social contact and fighting against my bad mental health. I want you to know that its not your MD that causes you to be depresed. You daydream to escape and that's what most of us dont know about ourselfs until we share the secret and learn from other Dreamers. Unfortunately, the world doesn't know about MD and its hard to get help, but tha's why this forum exist. Daydreaming may get you lost in your mind, so my advice is to get out of your mind. Talk about MD. Share every possible detail about it. We feel shame about our daydreams and hide this "weird habit" but silence never saved a soul. You have an amazing brain, your MD is proof of that. Healing is hard and takes a long time, I know, but you are not alone. keep listening to your favourite music, keep daydreaming if it feels right. Just get it out of you. Take the burden of silence and shame out of your shoulders. We are here to listen .
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Post by rose33 on Feb 5, 2019 0:40:49 GMT
Thank you very very much for your replies. It was very heart warming reading this, i feel like a huge weight have been lifted off my shoulders.
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