I daydream about a life after my family members' death and it feels good.
That reminded me of a daydream I used to do a lot when I was a child. Our house would burn down and all my family except me would die. Or an car accident with similar outcome. I'm not sure why I did this kind of dream, I suppose it was a longing to get away from everything. Something like that, I remember I always put on my backpack and went away in the end. Relations with my family were not good back then, but it got better after I left home.
English is not my first language, sorry for mistakes.
I'm feeling bad. I hate it when I feel this urge to go into this kind of daydream. I think it hurts so much because I keep trying to make story lines that are more and more likely to come true. I hate feeling this desperate to be with someone. I hate needing to daydream about him most of the day. I hate that I can't do homework when I feel this way. I hate that my head goes to the gutter all day. I hate that I don't want to stop. I just can't take it if he isn't with me, even though it's just a daydream. I hate that this happens whenever I like a guy. It's not even like he's the one, it's just he's another one. But I still want so badly for this to be it. I want this so badly. I can't take being alone, especially with my desires.
I'm really nervous and i feel pressured. I have contest to join this monday. I really want to win it. I'm so nervous I think I'm close to having panic attack.
What is the contest? I hope it goes well for you.
Hello, sorry for the late reply. It actually went well. I won the competition and joined the regional level and i won again. This week i will join in the national level. I'm anxious again. I'm starting to feel what i emotionally feel when joining contests. But i hope it will go well again:).
Btw, it is a journalism contest. Thank you for wishing me well! I hope you will become successful in your own goals in life as well.