Hi. My name is (i'm to pranoid to tell you my real name and at the same time be honest about my experiences) and I'm 25.
Since I can remember I was creating scenarios in my head, I was very imaginative kid. Everything was OK as long as I was outgoing and social.
When I turned 15, things went worse for me. I'm not going to describe my teenage social struggles, but due to low self esteem I became withdrawn. Almost always I had (and still have) friends, most of the time even close ones, but still - I wasn't actively participating in any social events. Just talking about stuff, having fun, doing drugs together etc., but I was never involved in things like typical HS "dramas". When others were living their lifes I was alone in my room, preocuppied with my "inner world".
Nothing really changed since that time, except i dont do drugs and I'm a different person now. I'm mostly OK with myself, people seem to like me more and even girls are sometimes interested in me, which never happened before. That means that my only problem now is my mind.
It's exhausting. I love it and hate it at the same time. It's not like I chose to daydream. Well, sometimes I do, but I think my mind just can't function any other way. I can't imagine what the thought process of a normal person is like. I honestly can't. I have strong OCD too, maybe that's why I feel this way. There are two major downsides of MD for me:
1. As I said - it's really exhausting. I'm always actively imagining things, mostly repetitively. It's emotionaly involving and so pointless.
2. I can't function socially in normal way. I can't relate to others on the most superficial level. They are talking about something, but it's so distant to me. I don't know what to say, I don't think anything about that. I live my life inside my head. Sometimes I'm afraid I'm going crazy. I'm not autistic or anything. Since I was kid, I alwyas had high social skills. It's just the fact that I'm so withdrawn. If you wont uderstand this, then noone will.
Well, thats it. I recently discovered what MD is and it explains a lot for me.
Welcome to the forum! I have a hard time relating to and talking to people. Just today the girl at the coffee shop was all cheery and trying to chat and I juat had... no idea how to respond... I can't believe small talk is a thing people are good at, I want to do it, I try, I just... can't.