Post by heartofaphoenixqueen on Mar 3, 2019 22:48:49 GMT
Hey, my name is Amber. I've had an addiction to daydreaming for as long as I can remember.
I'm horribly unused to online forums and it's really out of my comfort zone to do something like this, but I'm trying it anyways. I guess I can't really be seen as a freak if I'm talking through a computer to other people who deal with this same thing.
When I was little I was just really good at playing pretend, and I didn't stop playing pretend until about 8th grade. I had such vivid daydreams, and it was so much easier to get away with it when I was younger. I didn't give up my toys that I'd play with until 11th grade. I'd keep them hidden from my family and tell them I was keeping them so I could give them to my future daughters one day. Eventually I felt really childish and insecure about it, so I gave up the toys. Instead I would read and just take extra time with my fantasy books, changing it in my mind to what it would be like if I were there. At night I would go through the chapter in Harry Potter that I'd just read, imagining what it would be like. Now I'm obsessed with the tv show Legends of Tomorrow, and am hopelessly in love with Ray Palmer.
I've noticed that in the past I would also daydream about a guy I would like, which would get my hopes up because I was already planning our love stories. Yet when I talked to them for the first time I would be heart broken that they weren't already in love with me. Or when I realize they're not as great in real life. The only times in my life that I've even been in a relationship was when I didn't have enough time to preplan our lives. I just didn't think of those guys that way until they showed interest in me (
to say, neither worked out very well). I'm pretty sure my expectations are WAY too high when it comes to dating, so I may never be truly satisfied, and that scares me.
I've come to notice that I also see myself in a very different way than I am outside of my daydreams. In my daydreams I'm popular, gregarious, and spunky. In real life I'm shy, kind of awkward, but at least I'm kind of adorable too. I'm scared to talk to most people, because I'm not used to things being out of my control. I'm terrified of rejection, and being hurt because in my head everything goes right. So sometimes I'm too afraid to go after what I want because I don't want to have it taken away.
I don't know what I want to do with my life, because in truth there's nothing that sounds as awesome as being a princess with magic, or being a superhero on a team. Real life is mostly boring. But I want to change that. I want to be more into real life, and I want to become this amazing person that I've dreamed myself to be. I want to have an amazing real life, and be successful, but part time jobs are so boring. I want to travel the world, but I don't have the money or the planning skills needed to do so.
Last but not least, I feel really guilty for being this way. I'm a very religious/spiritual person, and I believe I'm being ungrateful of the life that my Heavenly Father gave me by daydreaming so much. It sounds crazy, I know, but if I believe that I can come up with a better reality than an all powerful God can, am I a horrible person?
I'm horribly unused to online forums and it's really out of my comfort zone to do something like this, but I'm trying it anyways. I guess I can't really be seen as a freak if I'm talking through a computer to other people who deal with this same thing.
When I was little I was just really good at playing pretend, and I didn't stop playing pretend until about 8th grade. I had such vivid daydreams, and it was so much easier to get away with it when I was younger. I didn't give up my toys that I'd play with until 11th grade. I'd keep them hidden from my family and tell them I was keeping them so I could give them to my future daughters one day. Eventually I felt really childish and insecure about it, so I gave up the toys. Instead I would read and just take extra time with my fantasy books, changing it in my mind to what it would be like if I were there. At night I would go through the chapter in Harry Potter that I'd just read, imagining what it would be like. Now I'm obsessed with the tv show Legends of Tomorrow, and am hopelessly in love with Ray Palmer.
I've noticed that in the past I would also daydream about a guy I would like, which would get my hopes up because I was already planning our love stories. Yet when I talked to them for the first time I would be heart broken that they weren't already in love with me. Or when I realize they're not as great in real life. The only times in my life that I've even been in a relationship was when I didn't have enough time to preplan our lives. I just didn't think of those guys that way until they showed interest in me (
to say, neither worked out very well). I'm pretty sure my expectations are WAY too high when it comes to dating, so I may never be truly satisfied, and that scares me.I've come to notice that I also see myself in a very different way than I am outside of my daydreams. In my daydreams I'm popular, gregarious, and spunky. In real life I'm shy, kind of awkward, but at least I'm kind of adorable too. I'm scared to talk to most people, because I'm not used to things being out of my control. I'm terrified of rejection, and being hurt because in my head everything goes right. So sometimes I'm too afraid to go after what I want because I don't want to have it taken away.
I don't know what I want to do with my life, because in truth there's nothing that sounds as awesome as being a princess with magic, or being a superhero on a team. Real life is mostly boring. But I want to change that. I want to be more into real life, and I want to become this amazing person that I've dreamed myself to be. I want to have an amazing real life, and be successful, but part time jobs are so boring. I want to travel the world, but I don't have the money or the planning skills needed to do so.
Last but not least, I feel really guilty for being this way. I'm a very religious/spiritual person, and I believe I'm being ungrateful of the life that my Heavenly Father gave me by daydreaming so much. It sounds crazy, I know, but if I believe that I can come up with a better reality than an all powerful God can, am I a horrible person?
what kind of advice I can give you as I'm still trying to figure out what to do about my MD too but I hope the fact that we have been through similar things to you is a bit more comforting. Anyway, Welcome to the Forum!
