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Post by midnightmoon on May 29, 2019 22:18:45 GMT
hi. my addiction to daydreaming/fantasizing is something that i have been sitting on for a while. i’ve been doing it for years now: probably since i started middle school, and im 17 now. my daydreams started once i began watching a lot of fantasy movies and tv shows. i would insert myself into those fictional worlds, and imagine myself as a suffering character who needs saving or rescuing from another character. i give myself a tragic backstory, make my character go through pain, die, struggle in any horrible way imaginable, only to have another character in that story save me from that. i began to spend so much time consumed in these storylines. i would need to daydream every night in bed in order to fall asleep, when home alone i would sometimes act them out, but most of the time i would just sit in one spot for maybe an hour or longer just silently daydreaming. i would do it in class a lot too, and in the car. the most i ever did it was when i was going through situational depression a few years ago. but as i got out of that situation, i started to realize that this wasnt very healthy. i always questioned why i had no self worth, but then i realized its probably because i subconsciously tell myself im worthless through these fantasies i make up every single day. i decided i would stop daydreaming at the beginning of february, and i was actually able to get through 2 months without daydreaming, but it was extremely hard. as soon as i went back to it, my urges were stronger than ever. real life things trigger my urges, and i get this familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach. its the feeling i create when i fantasize, and whenever i feel that feeling, i immediately want to daydream. its gotten to the point where, whenever i get the urge to daydream, i hate myself for it. because i know its not good for me, and i want to stop, but its like an addiction. i feel powerless. i meditate using Headspace and that helps a little, but its not enough. i dont want to constantly resist this. i want to feel good about myself. i want to know in my heart that i am worthy, and i dont want to need validation from others. please help me. sorry this is so long, ive never been able to truly express this because i always thought this was an uncommon thing.
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Post by katie on May 29, 2019 22:55:16 GMT
Having a addiction disorder and trying to give it up may lead to another addiction if not properly strategist so be careful. It is something that we will always have the urge to do when trying to give it up as it is an addiction. Sounds like you can control it which is a good thing.I follow my own strategies that I made for myself and have been looking into how to deal with addictions its hard work if I don't have much planned on a day I will give into my daydreams but they are not as vivid or long anymore. If you need anymore advice message me if you want. Hope this helps
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Post by Sam on May 29, 2019 22:57:58 GMT
Welcome to the forum!
You're already on the right track with recognizing that your daydreaming has become unhealthy and working on meditation.
I think that, as hard as it is to hear, its important to understand that not daydreaming at all is also unhealthy. Daydreaming is a natural and necessary process. The problem is when it becomes maladaptive. When it starts interfering with our lives. So as much as it may seem appealing to have not daydreaming at all be your goal, I think that you're ultimately setting yourself up for disappointment. Generally, the goal of recovery should be to learn how to retrain your relationship with daydreaming so that it becomes more healthy--closer to what it is in most people.
You're right in assuming that its a kind of addiction. I truly believe that it is. Over time, our brains become used to the thought patterns that precede daydreaming and the endorphins that are released when we daydream and because of that, it is essentially the same as any other substance addiction. Unfortunately, with the way that addiction works, when you threaten your addiction by taking away, or trying to take away, the thing that it craves, it responds by craving it even more. That's why, especially with something like daydreaming where its not rational to abstain from it completely (the way that you could with drugs or alcohol, its important to change your relationship with it. That means responding with kindness and compassion when you find that you've drifted off into daydreams. Beating yourself up about daydreaming only makes you feel worse, which generally makes you want to daydream to escape from the bad feeling, which just perpetuates the cycle.
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Post by midnightmoon on May 30, 2019 2:48:12 GMT
thank you both for responding, both very helpful and good for me to hear. i’ll keep those things in mind. now, what steps should i take to having a healthier approach to daydreaming? thanks a lot  |
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Post by Sam on May 30, 2019 3:34:38 GMT
thank you both for responding, both very helpful and good for me to hear. i’ll keep those things in mind. now, what steps should i take to having a healthier approach to daydreaming? thanks a lot :) I mentioned responding to your daydreaming with kindness and compassion and that is definitely a big one. Others include learning how to pull yourself back when you fall into a daydream and discovering your triggers so that you can either avoid them (if its possible) or learn how to change your response to them. I want to write out some more detail, but its getting late, so if you come back tomorrow (idk if it'll be tomorrow for you or not, but like 15 hours from now) I'll have some other tips for you then. |
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Post by Sam on May 30, 2019 18:20:39 GMT
thank you both for responding, both very helpful and good for me to hear. i’ll keep those things in mind. now, what steps should i take to having a healthier approach to daydreaming? thanks a lot :) Alright, I'm back. The first step that you need to take is to decide to nurture a healthier relationship with your daydreaming. And then you need to commit to it. And that's not something that you only do once. Literally every time I come out of a daydream I have to decide and commit to moving forward in a healthy way. Changing your response when you fall into daydreams is key. Discovering how you can pull yourself out of a daydream is a good step. You mentioned meditation and that is one of the things that can help here. This is because with meditation, you're teaching yourself how to come back to the present moment. You can apply the same principles to your daydreams. Use some sort of anchor, maybe your breath, to come back to the present moment. How you talk to yourself after you've come out of a daydream also matters a lot. If you beat yourself up, saying things like "I shouldn't have done that" or calling yourself names, its just going to make you feel worse and more likely to fall into daydreams again to escape the feeling. Being able to recognize and respond to your triggers is also important. Some of the main triggers are music, tv, emotionally charged situations, and mental health issues like anxiety and depression. If you don't already know what your triggers are, take some time to really think about what's happening internally and externally right before you fall into a daydream. Once you know your triggers and you're able to catch that split second urge to daydream that you get before you fall into a daydream, you can start changing your response to them. Part of the problem with our daydreaming is that it tends to interfere with the things that we want or need to do. I've found that saying "I see you, I hear you, but now is not the time" can be beneficial in reminding myself to stay in the present and not give into the urge when I have something else that I should be doing instead. The thought processes involved with daydreaming happen so quickly that it can be incredibly difficult to catch yourself. Your brain goes "trigger--urge to daydream--daydream" sometimes in just a split second. Using mindfulness principles to recognize the trigger, to recognize the urge, and to recognize that you've fallen into a daydream before hours have gone by can be incredibly helpful. As hard as it can be to accept it, one of the main things that you need to understand is that this is a journey that is lifelong. Things that go into your brain generally stay there. You'll likely still feel the urge to daydream on and off for the rest of your life. Sometimes it will be easier and other times it will be harder. There is no miracle cure or instant fix. If there was, everyone would use it. You might never be able to completely eliminate the urge to daydream maladaptively (and you definitely can't eliminate the urge to daydream normally, because its a natural and important process that you need to have), but you can, over time, change your response to the urge. Months ago, my daydreaming was unconscious. I would get triggered and would instantly get up to daydream (I pace up and down the stairs while daydreaming). But over time, I've become more conscious of the process and more able to catch myself. That doesn't mean I'm perfect. I still fall into daydreams, sometimes for hours especially if I'm stressed out or in pain. But now I'm able to consciously recognize when it happens, even if I end up choosing to continue daydreaming. There's some cool stuff in the help and research board that you should definitely check out if you haven't already. Additionally, I put together a document on habit reversal training at the beginning of the year that you might find helpful. I'm usually here a couple times a day, so if you have any other questions, feel free to message me. I hope that this helped and gave you some idea of what you could do moving forward. |
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Post by katie on May 30, 2019 20:34:37 GMT
Here are my strategies if you think you want to follow them see what works for you when figuring out how to control it. I began by getting help for my issues writing down my triggers and how I was feeling before I gave into the urge and if I needed to talk to someone if there is a lot on my mind instead of daydreaming. If its the addiction side of things that are triggering it there is a thread here to cover the addiction side to our disorder. I then gave a time on how long the daydreaming lasted to what it was about. Then what was it that made me come around and out of my daydreaming Then it was what helped me to come out of my daydream Going for plenty of walks and it helpos to put my mind at ease good for you mental health I set goal which sam makes a thread for every month and I try to follow them as much as possible. |
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Post by midnightmoon on May 31, 2019 2:15:01 GMT
thank you both for responding, both very helpful and good for me to hear. i’ll keep those things in mind. now, what steps should i take to having a healthier approach to daydreaming? thanks a lot Alright, I'm back. The first step that you need to take is to decide to nurture a healthier relationship with your daydreaming. And then you need to commit to it. And that's not something that you only do once. Literally every time I come out of a daydream I have to decide and commit to moving forward in a healthy way. Changing your response when you fall into daydreams is key. Discovering how you can pull yourself out of a daydream is a good step. You mentioned meditation and that is one of the things that can help here. This is because with meditation, you're teaching yourself how to come back to the present moment. You can apply the same principles to your daydreams. Use some sort of anchor, maybe your breath, to come back to the present moment. How you talk to yourself after you've come out of a daydream also matters a lot. If you beat yourself up, saying things like "I shouldn't have done that" or calling yourself names, its just going to make you feel worse and more likely to fall into daydreams again to escape the feeling. Being able to recognize and respond to your triggers is also important. Some of the main triggers are music, tv, emotionally charged situations, and mental health issues like anxiety and depression. If you don't already know what your triggers are, take some time to really think about what's happening internally and externally right before you fall into a daydream. Once you know your triggers and you're able to catch that split second urge to daydream that you get before you fall into a daydream, you can start changing your response to them. Part of the problem with our daydreaming is that it tends to interfere with the things that we want or need to do. I've found that saying "I see you, I hear you, but now is not the time" can be beneficial in reminding myself to stay in the present and not give into the urge when I have something else that I should be doing instead. The thought processes involved with daydreaming happen so quickly that it can be incredibly difficult to catch yourself. Your brain goes "trigger--urge to daydream--daydream" sometimes in just a split second. Using mindfulness principles to recognize the trigger, to recognize the urge, and to recognize that you've fallen into a daydream before hours have gone by can be incredibly helpful. As hard as it can be to accept it, one of the main things that you need to understand is that this is a journey that is lifelong. Things that go into your brain generally stay there. You'll likely still feel the urge to daydream on and off for the rest of your life. Sometimes it will be easier and other times it will be harder. There is no miracle cure or instant fix. If there was, everyone would use it. You might never be able to completely eliminate the urge to daydream maladaptively (and you definitely can't eliminate the urge to daydream normally, because its a natural and important process that you need to have), but you can, over time, change your response to the urge. Months ago, my daydreaming was unconscious. I would get triggered and would instantly get up to daydream (I pace up and down the stairs while daydreaming). But over time, I've become more conscious of the process and more able to catch myself. That doesn't mean I'm perfect. I still fall into daydreams, sometimes for hours especially if I'm stressed out or in pain. But now I'm able to consciously recognize when it happens, even if I end up choosing to continue daydreaming. There's some cool stuff in the help and research board that you should definitely check out if you haven't already. Additionally, I put together a document on habit reversal training at the beginning of the year that you might find helpful. I'm usually here a couple times a day, so if you have any other questions, feel free to message me. I hope that this helped and gave you some idea of what you could do moving forward. This is absolutely helpful, im grateful to you for taking the time. ill continue to look at other threads for more understanding and help. thank you so much. |
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