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Post by Wynn on Jun 6, 2019 19:29:07 GMT
I'm Wynn, and I've been using daydreaming as a coping mechanism my entire life. I am 44. Circumstances have become such that I can no longer continue at the same pace, and my daydreaming has started to have negative effects on my relationships with my family, my children and my friends, such as they are.
I had a emotionally neglectful childhood and a bipolar parent, a marriage to and divorce from a (sex) addict, and then surprising to probably no one, a marriage to another one. Trauma abounds and in the thick of things I lived for years almost entirely in my daydreams until they seemed more real than my real life. My husband and I are trying to repair what has been damaged but I'm having a hard time letting go and being present because my daydreams are so much safer and fulfilling. I spend most of my time alone, and most of the time I like it that way. I can write and dream and live all the lives I want, work through trauma through my characters, have loving relationships without the threat of betrayal or abandonment.
I've been having periods of "spacing out" completely, and I'm worried it has something to do with my maladaptive daydreaming. Something will trigger me and I will just go away for a few minutes, but it doesn't seem under my control.
It's difficult as well, because one of my characters has gotten me through so much. I "wear" her to get through tough moments, I even thought of getting a tattoo that reads "WWCD?" because when I need to be brave, when I need to be strong, I ask myself what she would do, and she would push through.
Anyway, that's me and where I'm at. I sound crazy but I know you'll all understand.
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Post by jiaoren on Jun 7, 2019 5:18:56 GMT
I also space out a lot! Not kidding, I have the attention span of an uninterested amoeba, which is especially not a good thing bc I'm a writer. Sometimes, when I'm getting really spacey, I use a timer to time how long I can write without MD. Average is 8 minutes, highest is 15 min, lowest is 2 min. It's kinda like a competition with myself.
There's also this playlist on Spotify called "soundtrack for my funeral." I don't know who made it and I have no idea what music genre it is, but I find that if I tell myself I have to write while one song is playing, it helps me focus.
Maybe this could help you?
DItto about the character thing. They seem so real, realer than real people even, it's almost harder to let them go when they pester me for attention. I got no advice for this :( Just as lost as you are...
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Post by alvi on Jun 7, 2019 13:33:29 GMT
Hi, welcome to the forum. Have you been able to have any relationship counselling with your husband or better yet received any therapy on your own as it sounds like you've had a very difficult time and it might be helpful to talk these things through with a professional.
I also space out and lately the periods of times are getting longer to the point it has become dangerous and problematic. I've left food under the grill and missed important appointments. Its something I don't realise I'm doing and i'm really struggling to control it so I can relate with this.
Daydreams can be such a blessing and a curse. Like you said they can help us through so much but take us away from actually living a real and fulfilling life. I hope you find some support on the forum.
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Post by Wynn on Jun 7, 2019 18:02:02 GMT
I also space out a lot! Not kidding, I have the attention span of an uninterested amoeba, which is especially not a good thing bc I'm a writer. Sometimes, when I'm getting really spacey, I use a timer to time how long I can write without MD. Average is 8 minutes, highest is 15 min, lowest is 2 min. It's kinda like a competition with myself. There's also this playlist on Spotify called "soundtrack for my funeral." I don't know who made it and I have no idea what music genre it is, but I find that if I tell myself I have to write while one song is playing, it helps me focus. Maybe this could help you? DItto about the character thing. They seem so real, realer than real people even, it's almost harder to let them go when they pester me for attention. I got no advice for this :( Just as lost as you are... An uninterested amoeba, yes! My attention span is all over the place. I'll have to check out that playlist! I tend to listen to sound healing type music with no lyrics when I need to get stuff done because music with lyrics trigger me and inspire dd events and then I don't get anything done. I routinely have at least 5 tabs open on any device at one time because I'm so over the place! I joined a rl hobby club to try and get out of the house a bit and a few weeks in it was handed over to me to run. I provide 5 - 10 pages of notes every week. Do you work better with a deadline? I find I'm scattered and can't focus unless it's the day before and then it's like oh crap! Gotta get this done! And I hammer it out in about 2 hours. |
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Post by Wynn on Jun 7, 2019 18:15:50 GMT
Hi, welcome to the forum. Have you been able to have any relationship counselling with your husband or better yet received any therapy on your own as it sounds like you've had a very difficult time and it might be helpful to talk these things through with a professional. I also space out and lately the periods of times are getting longer to the point it has become dangerous and problematic. I've left food under the grill and missed important appointments. Its something I don't realise I'm doing and i'm really struggling to control it so I can relate with this. Daydreams can be such a blessing and a curse. Like you said they can help us through so much but take us away from actually living a real and fulfilling life. I hope you find some support on the forum. Hi Alvi! We have pursued counseling but we've found counseling for our particular problem isn't covered by insurance and therapists are sparse and expensive. I have talked to a couple therapists, gone over my history at length and then they just.. drop it. It's never addressed again and it feels like another betrayal, like my needs have been ignored and dropped again. Why did I waste all that time and emotional energy reliving all of that past stuff just to have it ignored? I took part in a ptsd support class for 8 weeks that was helpful and I am still part of that group of women who are also dealing with ptsd that talk almost daily. I don't drive because I know I dd and space out. I space out when people are talking to me which has gotten really bad. I have social anxiety and these last few weeks I'm even more anxious because I can't control when my brain kicks off! My husband will often tell me "welcome back" when I've been gone, he can tell because I gaze off. |
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Post by jiaoren on Jun 8, 2019 3:27:42 GMT
I also space out a lot! Not kidding, I have the attention span of an uninterested amoeba, which is especially not a good thing bc I'm a writer. Sometimes, when I'm getting really spacey, I use a timer to time how long I can write without MD. Average is 8 minutes, highest is 15 min, lowest is 2 min. It's kinda like a competition with myself. There's also this playlist on Spotify called "soundtrack for my funeral." I don't know who made it and I have no idea what music genre it is, but I find that if I tell myself I have to write while one song is playing, it helps me focus. Maybe this could help you? DItto about the character thing. They seem so real, realer than real people even, it's almost harder to let them go when they pester me for attention. I got no advice for this :( Just as lost as you are... An uninterested amoeba, yes! My attention span is all over the place. I'll have to check out that playlist! I tend to listen to sound healing type music with no lyrics when I need to get stuff done because music with lyrics trigger me and inspire dd events and then I don't get anything done. I routinely have at least 5 tabs open on any device at one time because I'm so over the place! I joined a rl hobby club to try and get out of the house a bit and a few weeks in it was handed over to me to run. I provide 5 - 10 pages of notes every week. Do you work better with a deadline? I find I'm scattered and can't focus unless it's the day before and then it's like oh crap! Gotta get this done! And I hammer it out in about 2 hours. Eh, deadlines don't really help me. I wish, though. That would make life easier! I agree listening to music without lyrics helps. But it depends WHAT kind of music genre. I was listening to a Beethoven piece last night and couldn't stop DD even though it doesn't have lyrics. |
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