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Post by harriet on Jul 17, 2019 16:40:11 GMT
Hello dear Co-strugglers!
I can't tell you how happy I was, when I found out, that I was not the only one with my problem. Finding that there's a name to it, which sounded okay-er and acceptable than what I would call it helped in seeing it as disease, and not something I hate myself for.
I've been living with MDD since as long as I can remember. Playing/acting out situations didn't stop after childhood. Reliving feelings I felt in books, movies or songs was something I did a lot in my youth. But what I've known since my teenage years, is that it's not normal.
Since then I've had a long journey. Realising that I could go for weeks at a time without was great, seeing how easy it is to relapse, and how hard the fall is, wasn't.
At the beginnig of this year I discovered this forum, and I think the other one as well. But most importantly: I started reading more about MDD, with E-books and papers I found online.
In one paper from Eli Somer I read that "fantasies aren't always bad", which stumped me. Isn't it best, to refrain from MDD entirely?
Then, in spring, I finally built up the courage to tell my the therapist at the "psychologicial conselling center" my university offers about my MDD. Of course, she had never heard of the condition before, and told me that it isn't all bad.
That, sadly, set me back quite a bit.
From what I've been reading, MDD should be treated as an addiction, and thus abstince should be the goal.
But after hearing the comment from the therapist, I started trying to accept it, finding ways which it isn't harmful. And the "accepting it" fit with the other thing she said, that I shouldn't be extreme about things, but find a balance with them.
I've learned that if I manage to MDD for less than 20 min, the effects can't be felt the next day. But how hard is that?! And then, as always, one day "it's ok" leads to at least 4 following nights where I don't see it as such a big problem, over-indulge and feel the effects the next day.
So my big question is, what do you guys think: is there a healthy way to not completely refrain from MDD?
I've accepted is as my addiction, and that it'll always be an issue. Dealing with the self-reproaches is certainly also a topic. But as I try to love myself and my body, I'd really love MDD to be something I can tell myself is "ok" and be able to believe it.
Many greetings from here to wherever you may be and thank you for reading and listening!
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Post by Sam on Jul 17, 2019 18:14:54 GMT
Welcome to the forum!
I would say this: while, yes, it is important to learn how to manage the maladaptive portion of your daydreaming, its not realistic or logical to expect yourself to completely cut daydreaming out of your life. Daydreaming is something that almost everyone does, and its very important for your brain. Stopping yourself from daydreaming for hours a day, getting absolutely nothing done, makes sense. That interferes with your ability to live your life. But cutting out daydreaming while your doing otherwise mindless activities like cleaning dishes or taking a shower? That's A) not really a realistic goal and B) not something that would be healthy to do. Daydreaming is important for your creativity, problem solving, goal setting, etc., and is thus not something that you want to get rid of completely.
I understand how difficult it is to keep it under control. Sometimes I start daydreaming while doing a mindless task and I get so absorbed that I spend the next few hours in a daydream. And while that sucks, it doesn't make me want to stop daydreaming completely. I've tried to stop daydreaming completely before and all it does is make me depressed, absentminded, and then frustrated when I inevitably slip up again. Even just stopping the maladaptive portion is incredibly difficult.
I think that the most important thing is to accept that you'll likely feel the urge to daydream maladaptively for the rest of your life and to learn how to create a balance between your daydreaming and your real life. Most people's daydreaming to real life balance is in equilibrium. People who have MDD don't have that balance. We generally feel like our lives have been completely taken over by daydreaming. And that's the part that's unhealthy. I encourage you to experiment to find what the best balance would look like for you (understanding that this might change over time as your life situation changes). What daydream to real life ratio will you feel comfortable with? How much daydreaming can you do while still getting all of your important tasks done?
While you're reflecting, I would also encourage you to think about your triggers. Everyone has different triggers, but some common ones are music/media, reading, stressful situations, and boredom. Once you know your triggers, you'll be more able to catch yourself before you fall into a daydream, and in some cases, eliminate or reduce your exposure to the trigger. If you know that one of your triggers is stress, you could potentially go to a therapist or look up healthy coping strategies online. A lot of us use daydreaming as a coping strategy, and without replacing it with some other coping strategy, it can be very hard to let go, because even though its unhealthy and potentially damaging, it still acts as a coping strategy and thus helps you (think how some people use alcohol or drugs as a coping strategy).
Another thing that I've personally found useful is changing my self talk when I come out of a daydream, especially a long one. I used to beat myself up about it, which would make me feel bad, which would make me want to daydream, and on and on the cycle went. Over the past few months, I've been doing my best to tell myself "Okay, this happened, and I forgive myself." Changing your response to your daydreaming can help break the cycle. I've also found that its easier for me to move on to real life stuff if I forgive myself for daydreaming. If I start beating myself up, I'm likely to get nothing done, even if I don't end up daydreaming again. But forgiving myself allows me to shift back to the present moment and move on with what I still need to do that day.
(Sorry this got so long.)
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Post by alvi on Jul 21, 2019 23:37:02 GMT
Welcome to the forum!
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Post by Dimmer on Jul 28, 2019 14:30:51 GMT
Welcome to the forum! I also don't think it's possible to refrain from MD completely. The brain daydreams, it just does, it plays an important role in how we function as human beings, you can't get rid of it, only learn how to have a healthy relationship with it.
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