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Post by bee on Aug 7, 2019 20:40:57 GMT
I am  a lot about relationships lately. Friends, family, but mostly romantic relationships. I had a few over the years and my dd always got better (= less), especially during the first year or so. I dd a lot about relationships, not necessarily the romantic kind, but almost always about how people interact, the way “my people” treat each other, can depend one another… soap-opera style. When I was in an relationship my partner was never part of my dd-cast, I didn’t dd about what could/should happen in the future etc. But I wonder how much of my expectations about what I and/or my partner should do/feel were really based on reality, how much my level of “normal” is screwed up because of my dd. How do/did you handle this? Do/Did you talk with your partner about your dd and how it might influence your emotions/relationship? Or are you able to separate dd and rl completely and this isn’t an issue for you at all? |
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Post by Dimmer on Aug 8, 2019 18:48:39 GMT
It's not been an issue for me at all, they stay very separate.
MD has been an issue in my relationship, but not in that way, it's the behaviour that comes with MD that has been the problem, not the daydreams themselves.
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Post by willa on Aug 11, 2019 2:02:54 GMT
My dd are very relationship based, and my husband was a part of my dd when we first met and within the first few months of us dating. No one I dated prior to him was in my dd. But as time passed, my husband was no longer in my dd. We've been married for 23 years and are a great match. We're both happy in our marriage and committed to each other. But I do know that elements of our relationship that are difficult, or things I need that aren't being met, end up projected into my dd. A character will have those things that I wish I had, or I work through the rough stuff within the dd characters. I'm always in my daydreams in some way, and I'm much better at all the things I think I could do better at in real life. I have never talked to my husband about MD, because it's something I'm so self-conscious of and am just now getting to understand, after doing it since elementary school. Sometimes I do start to worry that my expectations of life and love and people gets too affected in a negative way by my dd, and then I do my best to pull back and not dd so much. It can make me angry and judgmental, so I use the tools I've gathered to cut back and focus on acceptance and positive things.
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Post by katie on Aug 11, 2019 19:20:04 GMT
I always choose badly in men and they are the opposite to my romantic, caring men in my DD life well in ways. The worrying thing is I always had high expectations when it comes to men but when I am interested in someone its like it lowers and I want my DD man to be there for me instead which I am ashamed and embarrassed in ways to say. Lol.
I didn't get into a relationship with someone until I was 20 and had always had the pressure by fake friends to be with someone and so in my early teens so I made up my first bf character. Never talked about my relationships with my therapist made that the next step.
I never really daydreamed while I was around them well until my last relationship got a good bit out of hand then I did. Never got to tell him about it and it was to get away from what happened to me so never felt the need to.
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Post by bee on Aug 12, 2019 2:36:36 GMT
Wow, thanks for all your replies.
Dimmer, I have to admit it, I am feeling a little bit envious now…
Only joking, we all know how hard this stuff is, but I get the feeling you have managed this part of the pile, so cheers to you.
(And if you used a secret cookie recipe or something somewhere in the process - please do a video about it ;-) )
Wow, willa, 23 years - and still going strong... And your husband was the first to get into your dd... That’s really sweet somehow... made me smile, love it, thanks for sharing.
“Sometimes I do start to worry that my expectations of life...” yes, that’s the feeling I am getting, too... How much is this md affecting me, in ways I never realized until now.
I’m still at the tool-gathering-stage, well, no, I’m actually at the trying-to-understand-stage – and your post helped me a lot.
Katie… sounds like you didn’t had much luck in affairs of the heart. ;-)
Dream-partner… yes, I’ve done that too…
I think, I get the part about “there for me instead” (done that too :-) ), but I don’t get the part about “I am interested in someone its like it lowers”. Lowers what? Your expectations where high and you met somebody and then your expectations got lower? But that would be a good thing in my book, because I think my expectations are also warped/inflated/screwed up - because of my dd.
Again, thanks for posting - and if anyone else has some thoughts on this, please join in.
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Post by katie on Aug 12, 2019 11:23:42 GMT
Wow, thanks for all your replies. Dimmer, I have to admit it, I am feeling a little bit envious now… Only joking, we all know how hard this stuff is, but I get the feeling you have managed this part of the pile, so cheers to you. (And if you used a secret cookie recipe or something somewhere in the process - please do a video about it ;-) ) Wow, willa, 23 years - and still going strong... And your husband was the first to get into your dd... That’s really sweat somehow... made me smile, love it, thanks for sharing. “Sometimes I do start to worry that my expectations of life...” yes, that’s the feeling I am getting, too... How much is this md affecting me, in ways I never realized until now. I’m still at the tool-gathering-stage, well, no, I’m actually at the trying-to-understand-stage – and your post helped me a lot. Katie… sounds like you didn’t had much luck in affairs of the heart. ;-) Dream-partner… yes, I’ve done that too… I think, I get the part about “there for me instead” (done that too :-) ), but I don’t get the part about “I am interested in someone its like it lowers”. Lowers what? Your expectations where high and you met somebody and then your expectations got lower? But that would be a good thing in my book, because I think my expectations are also warped/inflated/screwed up - because of my dd. Again, thanks for posting - and if anyone else has some thoughts on this, please join in. Yeah I lower my expectations when I choose someone that I am interested in they are not the person I would expect to be with. But I set the bar too high with the way my dream guy is in my head so. Yeah its a good thing but always get the one that mistreat me somehow. Lol. |
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Post by Wynn on Aug 19, 2019 20:07:31 GMT
i struggle with this a lot and it does get in the way of my relationship with my husband who is in addiction recovery. my MD did not have much of a relationship or sexual component until just a few years ago when his addiction was at it's peak and I was lonely and scared. I escaped into one character in particular and she had several relationships and flings and now even though my husband is in recovery, I find myself retreating to that safe place and those "safe" (controlled) relationships which in some ways are more real and deep rooted than my real life one just for the fact that I spent so much time in them for years. I have to consciously fight the pull to retreat, to let "A" or "T" hold me when real life issues trigger me. I feel so dissociated most of the time and I dont know how to stay present, and sometimes why I would even want to, when my trauma is triggered. it just takes a split second sometimes and I have to fight my brain to not go away into fantasy, to stay present and deal. I feel like I'm not a good wife or partner, and now that he is in recovery it feels like cheating.
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Post by Sam on Aug 20, 2019 3:04:59 GMT
i struggle with this a lot and it does get in the way of my relationship with my husband who is in addiction recovery. my MD did not have much of a relationship or sexual component until just a few years ago when his addiction was at it's peak and I was lonely and scared. I escaped into one character in particular and she had several relationships and flings and now even though my husband is in recovery, I find myself retreating to that safe place and those "safe" (controlled) relationships which in some ways are more real and deep rooted than my real life one just for the fact that I spent so much time in them for years. I have to consciously fight the pull to retreat, to let "A" or "T" hold me when real life issues trigger me. I feel so dissociated most of the time and I dont know how to stay present, and sometimes why I would even want to, when my trauma is triggered. it just takes a split second sometimes and I have to fight my brain to not go away into fantasy, to stay present and deal. I feel like I'm not a good wife or partner, and now that he is in recovery it feels like cheating. I'm not exactly coming from a very knowledgeable point of view so feel free to disregard my advice, but I think that the fact that you feel bad about it and are trying to change your behavior makes it different from cheating, even though it feels like it is. You spent years relying on your daydreams when you got triggered by those things in your real life and its going to take time to retrain your brain to make it understand that you don't have to escape from those situations anymore. |
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Post by Wynn on Aug 21, 2019 4:10:43 GMT
I'm not exactly coming from a very knowledgeable point of view so feel free to disregard my advice, but I think that the fact that you feel bad about it and are trying to change your behavior makes it different from cheating, even though it feels like it is. You spent years relying on your daydreams when you got triggered by those things in your real life and its going to take time to retrain your brain to make it understand that you don't have to escape from those situations anymore. thank you for saying this. i am trying hard to do the right thing, be the right person, to show up in my life. |
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a lot about relationships lately. Friends, family, but mostly romantic relationships.
