Hi there, I’m Tallia, or Tally for short.
I don’t remember exactly how I found this forum but I’ve been lurking for a while and thought I’d finally register.
I’m a maladaptive daydreamer - she says as she stands up in a circle and announces it to the group (picturing an AA meeting of sorts
)
I’ve always had an extreme fantasy world, I was the child obsessed with make believe and I guess it never went away.
I do have a movement, but it’s not one I’ve seen mentioned, I suck on my tongue and grind my jaw and teeth.
I have the formal diagnosis of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Before my break and eventual diagnosis, I was a primary school teacher but the last 5 years I have lived mostly in my dream worlds. I live on disability benefits and have a psychiatric nurse visit me once a week.
I adopted cats so I would get distracted from my fantasies and hoped they’d bring me back to the real world, unfortunately who knew cats slept so much and were useless at earning their keep?
still love them though.
Over the years I’ve tried a variety of medications, nhs and private therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists. I’m officially ‘not crazy’ yay!
The only medication I’ve found to help is zopiclone and larazapam mix which I have on prescription so I can sleep at night. Without medication I will go extreme lengths without sleep because my mind won’t stop. On one occasion I was so lost in fantasy I became starved as well as sleep deprived, I ended up in hospital (not psychiatric hospital).
I’m officially not psychotic, I don’t have schizophrenia, I’m not bipolar and I’m not depressed. Officially I have complex ptsd and anxiety.
It’s probably wrong to say, but I don’t actually want to cure my MDDing, when my ptsd is triggered I only find comfort in fantasy. No other strategy, tool, medication or person has ever helped - not in reality anyway. In MY world I’m perfectly safe and happy - well... not always actually, often terrible things happen their too and I’m hysterical and terrified, but it’s still better to be scared and upset in my fantasy rather than in the real world. My psychiatric nurse loves to talk about my ‘dissociation’. - sees a large inflatable mallet I bash him over the head with whilst jumping up and down and singing Avril Lavigne songs, for no reason I can understand
.
To manage I focus on the regular routine of sleep and trying to eat at regular intervals. It’s gone midnight, so guess I failed at bedtime tonight again
.
I’m trying to engage in the real world a little right now, so have just joined the local amateur dramatics group so I can be a backstage hand/runner. I don’t know if I’ll manage. And I’m
about joining a dungeons and dragons group or shared story writing group (at the suggestion of my social worker) so i can create stories with others and try to be less isolated.
So that’s me, just trying to meet my ‘target’ of engaging with reality for a bit.
Hope I didn’t offend, scare or upset anyone (sometimes I sound harsh and sarcastic but I genuinely do have a good heart).
TTFN - Tally xxx