I would rather die than tell somebody about it

Hello everyone. Finally i know what my disease call and i’m glad i’m not alone. I always knew there is something wrong with me. I started daydreaming since childhood, when i was 7-8 years old. I wasn’t too charming kid to begin with and around me were kids who i thought were very pretty and talented. So i started to dream that i’m like that girls, popular and talented among others. But it became worst when i started to watch too much tv and started imagine myself as singers and actors. Even worst thing was that i “created” this character of a popular, successful girl, i knew it wasn’t me when i was daydreaming, i dreamt that girl is successful in things that i wasn’t successful in real life. And because i imagined “that girl’s” life too much, i didn’t achieve anything in my life. Because too much energy and time were wasted to that and when i made mistakes or couldn’t achieve something i want in real life i just imagined how “that girl” achieved it all and it made me feel satisfied. So throughout my conscious life so far i invested all my energy and time to daydreaming. I dream a lot, but mostly when i listen to music. I wanna stop this, several times i decided that whenever i start dreaming again i should slap my fingers, pinch myself or something like that, but i couldn’t last long, because my real life is so miserable that i couldn’t face the reality for long time and started to dream again about “that girl’s” perfect life. Of course it made a horrible influence to my social life. I’m very much introvert, don’t talk much, don’t know how to hold an conversation, have very few friends. But nobody know about my disease, outwardly, this does not manifest itself in any way, and when I am in society and communicate with people, I don’t dream at all. So even though i’m introvert i like being with people who i am comfortable with, laugh and talk, i wish i had friends with who i could hang out everyday, i’m feeling somehow “healed” after meeting with friends. But i don’t have that kind of friends, i’m very closed and can’t show my emotions to people, can’t be sincere with people, so that’s one of a reason why i couldn’t make more friends. Anyway, i wish i could stop this, sometimes at nights when i’m half sleeping i have that “awake” moments, it’s like cold shower, when i fully realize what dreaming have done to my life, how much time i wasted to this, and how i didn’t become the person i wish i could be, it’s scary. Please help me.

Sorry for my bad english, i’m not a native speaker