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Post by katie on Sept 19, 2019 19:29:49 GMT
I went out last weekend and long story short I meet someone we got talk and exchanged number and now he is talking about meeting up sometime soon and go on a date.
As a maladaptive daydreamer I don't want to start daydreaming about how things could go and giving myself the notion about high expectations and ruin things for myself but its hard not too with my social anxiety to calm me down I usually daydream about how thing could go say its visualization in a way but sometimes it get carried away and I make up a story then it keeps going. I don't know if I am thinking about it too much I probable will try my best not to give into daydreams about him thing its not right to do so.
I don't know if any of you daydreamers out there can relate in way or have your own opinion it would be appreciated.
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Post by Sam on Sept 19, 2019 22:13:18 GMT
Could you maybe try to daydream about other comforting things that don't involve him?
I've actually been struggling with this myself recently. Even if the daydreams stay in a just friends kind of context, real life people never act the same way as they do in my daydreams and I DO NOT want to mess up a real life friendship by idealizing the people I'm talking to. Like, I know damn well that if I start daydreaming about them, no matter how kind or compassionate they are in real life, it'll always feel dull compared to daydream-them. And I talk to so few people that I can't really afford to lose a friend because I idealized them to the point that the friendship feels empty.
Honestly, for me the best deterrent has been the discomfort that I feel about the other person not being able to consent to my daydreaming. Especially if its in any way sexual, it makes me /really uncomfortable/ and that discomfort usually overrides any benefit that I would otherwise get out of daydreaming about the person.
Maybe that's not really something that other people experience, but for me there is a HUGE difference between romantically/sexually daydreaming about completely fictional people and romantically/sexually daydreaming about people that I know/that exist in real life. I think that its different if you're actually in a relationship with someone, in that case as long as the other person's okay with it, then its fine. But with, like, celebrities or people that you're just acquaintances/friends with, its kind of... ew. Especially if its not a passing thought or regular daydream. For MDers, we're usually very emotionally invested in our daydreams and the idea of doing that to someone that you know who hasn't, like, told you that that's okay is very discomfiting.
Maybe that's just me though, with consent issues and a disinterest in romance/sex like 95% of the time.
But like I said earlier, I would recommend maybe trying to daydream about comforting things that don't involve other people (like, idk, a place that makes you feel happy or something). That way you can make yourself feel better without worrying about setting your expectations of a relationship too high.
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Post by Wynn on Sept 22, 2019 22:22:37 GMT
Someone said to be recently that "Expectations are just planned resentments" and oh my god did that hit home for me. I daydream constantly about everything, and it wasn't until recently that I realized that I do that. If I'm worried about a doctor's appointment I daydream the whole thing, repeatedly, until the day of and I get there and the room looks nothing like what I built it up to be, the doctor looks nothing like what I expected them to look like, and all of the "preparing" I've done for probably weeks is useless because real life isn't scripted.
I think, for me, it's a form of control. I'm so used to having everything just so in my worlds and if something happens I don't like I can erase it and rewrite it.. and I'm missing out in my real world experiences because I'm so in my head comparing how different everything is and how none of this is what I was expecting..
All this to say, yay! I hope your date goes well and what I've been trying to do (because I so hear you about the social anxiety!) is go in with as open a mind as I can manage. Maybe write out or think about what you want this person to know about you, what are your interests, your passions? Maybe think about asking and answering those kinds of questions so you are prepared, but don't answer for the other person. Practice your answers and concentrate on what you want this person to know about who you are. Try not to build up any expectations or fantasize about what might be and stay open to what is.
I'm long winded. I hope this is at least a tiny bit helpful!
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Post by katie on Sept 27, 2019 14:01:45 GMT
Someone said to be recently that "Expectations are just planned resentments" and oh my god did that hit home for me. I daydream constantly about everything, and it wasn't until recently that I realized that I do that. If I'm worried about a doctor's appointment I daydream the whole thing, repeatedly, until the day of and I get there and the room looks nothing like what I built it up to be, the doctor looks nothing like what I expected them to look like, and all of the "preparing" I've done for probably weeks is useless because real life isn't scripted. I think, for me, it's a form of control. I'm so used to having everything just so in my worlds and if something happens I don't like I can erase it and rewrite it.. and I'm missing out in my real world experiences because I'm so in my head comparing how different everything is and how none of this is what I was expecting.. All this to say, yay! I hope your date goes well and what I've been trying to do (because I so hear you about the social anxiety!) is go in with as open a mind as I can manage. Maybe write out or think about what you want this person to know about you, what are your interests, your passions? Maybe think about asking and answering those kinds of questions so you are prepared, but don't answer for the other person. Practice your answers and concentrate on what you want this person to know about who you are. Try not to build up any expectations or fantasize about what might be and stay open to what is. I'm long winded. I hope this is at least a tiny bit helpful! Thanks for the Advice Wynn haven't been daydreaming about him I won't let myself anyway. Thats a good idea we might meet up in a few weeks give me time to think about what I want to talk about but he has called me a few time its just when I see people in person I am always aware of my eye contact and what way I am standing or sitting all self focused things. |
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