Post by glorfindel on Sept 24, 2019 9:45:31 GMT
I experimented what is daydreaming for my entire life even if I didn’t knew what it was.
From my very early year, I had always been invaded by fantasies, having obsessions about some cartoons and some stories I imagined myself.
I wasn’t interested to go with others except if it was to talk about those stories. At school, I passed my time to play alone, imagining being a characters of stories I imagined. All themes passed. I wasn’t interested to play with others and talked alone in my daydreams with gestures, also was obsessed by the stories at the point my surroundings thought I had autism without really explain me what is it.
At high school, I continued those daydreams about diverse subjects but it stared to being seen as not normal for a collegian to do that and after had been mocked a lot, i finished by stop it, at least at school, and continued only at home. This time I came back to live in my father house and I had a perverse narcissist stepmothers who blamed me and called me crazy for talking alone. I had never been good at social and I used to have sort of « imaginary friends » that I putted on wall and used to talked to, plus my daydream. But I had also made friends at school but still I wasn’t good for express myself and maybe it was the cause of those imaginative « friends », in guillemots because they never talk to me, just imagine the see me but I know inside of me that it’s wrong.
I didn’t mentioned that I had always drew a lot and write, but I hadn’t write all my daydreams because some I was ashamed if someone find it.
So because this stepmother I had started to daydream on on bed. I put myself on bed and imagine being the main character I have (one character can last for several years but sometimes I can have two or more but rarely at same time and switch stories according to my envy) in a storyline. I imagine dialogues in my head and make discreetly gestures. I do it mostly before I sleep and sometimes before getting up but it can happens that I go in the bed on the day only for daydream.
When I had internet at home at the end of teenage age came the worst idea I never had; creating a character that I play in real life, in other terms; a fake account on Facebook. What I didn’t expected is that it became addictive and I wasted three years of one of the best part of my life in this role and I will regret it for my entire life. The plot was totally stupid and I lied to lot people who were just pnj of this characters, a bit like a role play introduced in real life. This had let me wounds that it will never be cured totally, but I have still hope it will. Yesterday I told to the person who was the most implicated in the character story all the verity. I had been saved from it tree years ago thanks to medieval fantasy roleplay and big interest in tolkien lore. Despite it I have still regrets but tolkien brought lot of good things in my life. My previous interests cibles countries and wasn’t possible to do good rp to but maybe I should had still tried and it would have still be better than what I did in the past. In tolkien and especially silmarillion knowers communities I met lot of awesome persons and among them my bestfriend who daydream too and also have daydreams she regrets. We have a lot in common, and I learnt that I m not alone to do that and that lot of people very imaginative do that.
I also had lot of family problems in my childhood who can be the cause even if I started to daydream long before those problems came and I don’t know why. But my all life experience, social anxiety and lack of self confidence just made it worse.
Now I m adult with a child but sometimes I feel guilty because I m very attached to my fictional character which is an elf and I m addicted to the plot around him. Sometimes even when I m supposed to be in real life with others I think about this character a lot. I started to write a story about it inspired a bit from tolkien about this fictional character, I rp about him, and I daydream when I imagine being him. I also have another daydream when I m another character in same universe but not same place.
Hope being here can help me to don’t feel too alone.
The quote in my title is Tolkien’s one.
Sorry for my mistakes, English isn’t my native langage even if it improved thanks to tolkien and rp.
From my very early year, I had always been invaded by fantasies, having obsessions about some cartoons and some stories I imagined myself.
I wasn’t interested to go with others except if it was to talk about those stories. At school, I passed my time to play alone, imagining being a characters of stories I imagined. All themes passed. I wasn’t interested to play with others and talked alone in my daydreams with gestures, also was obsessed by the stories at the point my surroundings thought I had autism without really explain me what is it.
At high school, I continued those daydreams about diverse subjects but it stared to being seen as not normal for a collegian to do that and after had been mocked a lot, i finished by stop it, at least at school, and continued only at home. This time I came back to live in my father house and I had a perverse narcissist stepmothers who blamed me and called me crazy for talking alone. I had never been good at social and I used to have sort of « imaginary friends » that I putted on wall and used to talked to, plus my daydream. But I had also made friends at school but still I wasn’t good for express myself and maybe it was the cause of those imaginative « friends », in guillemots because they never talk to me, just imagine the see me but I know inside of me that it’s wrong.
I didn’t mentioned that I had always drew a lot and write, but I hadn’t write all my daydreams because some I was ashamed if someone find it.
So because this stepmother I had started to daydream on on bed. I put myself on bed and imagine being the main character I have (one character can last for several years but sometimes I can have two or more but rarely at same time and switch stories according to my envy) in a storyline. I imagine dialogues in my head and make discreetly gestures. I do it mostly before I sleep and sometimes before getting up but it can happens that I go in the bed on the day only for daydream.
When I had internet at home at the end of teenage age came the worst idea I never had; creating a character that I play in real life, in other terms; a fake account on Facebook. What I didn’t expected is that it became addictive and I wasted three years of one of the best part of my life in this role and I will regret it for my entire life. The plot was totally stupid and I lied to lot people who were just pnj of this characters, a bit like a role play introduced in real life. This had let me wounds that it will never be cured totally, but I have still hope it will. Yesterday I told to the person who was the most implicated in the character story all the verity. I had been saved from it tree years ago thanks to medieval fantasy roleplay and big interest in tolkien lore. Despite it I have still regrets but tolkien brought lot of good things in my life. My previous interests cibles countries and wasn’t possible to do good rp to but maybe I should had still tried and it would have still be better than what I did in the past. In tolkien and especially silmarillion knowers communities I met lot of awesome persons and among them my bestfriend who daydream too and also have daydreams she regrets. We have a lot in common, and I learnt that I m not alone to do that and that lot of people very imaginative do that.
I also had lot of family problems in my childhood who can be the cause even if I started to daydream long before those problems came and I don’t know why. But my all life experience, social anxiety and lack of self confidence just made it worse.
Now I m adult with a child but sometimes I feel guilty because I m very attached to my fictional character which is an elf and I m addicted to the plot around him. Sometimes even when I m supposed to be in real life with others I think about this character a lot. I started to write a story about it inspired a bit from tolkien about this fictional character, I rp about him, and I daydream when I imagine being him. I also have another daydream when I m another character in same universe but not same place.
Hope being here can help me to don’t feel too alone.
The quote in my title is Tolkien’s one.
Sorry for my mistakes, English isn’t my native langage even if it improved thanks to tolkien and rp.
