Depersonalization and Dissociation as contributing factors
Oct 15, 2019 5:38:43 GMT
katie, bee, and 1 more like this
Post by kondiao on Oct 15, 2019 5:38:43 GMT
I am going out on limb here to create a new thread; I don't know my way around this DDiB website well enough to find what thread this would fit into or if other people have already discussed this topic.
My topic is that Depersonalization and Dissociation are big factors in my life and I am
they contributed to my tendency to escape into MaDD early in my life.
I think I have a good grasp on what these terms mean, having gone through quite a few years of therapy in VA hospitals. I even took an very detailed exam or questionnaire about DP with an intern therapist and it "proved" to me that I qualified as a DP case, but it did not impress her very much. And I absolutely could not qualify for DD since I do not have a distinct, named alter ego personality. So that left me with the diagnosis of PTSD and a mild inferiority complex.
O.K., but having had a lot of education in mental health conditions from all these group sessions I have determined that for me - and possibly for other MaDDers - the fact of being so neglected and disregarded by people: family, school, teachers.... - was Depersonalizing to us. It was a matter of being treated like you are not a person and not deserving of respect. Instead of being asked: "Tell me what you mean, I am trying to understand you," we got: "Shut and and do what you are told!... you are a bad boy for talking in class... you should be listening to the teacher and not looking at the girls..." .
This kind of treatment from early childhood, I believe, lead me to want to escape into a fantasy world where I was somebody, accomplishing things and being respected and appreciated.
And now? i want to end this behavior. I do not see any value in continuing to escape from the present because I am stressed or bored or scared or disappointed .... hungry, tired, broke... et cetera. I want to adopt the habit of breathing and being present for the events and doing the best I can, whether that calls for action or just being present and breathing.
I do not know how to cure the DP disorder - according to my own definition of DP - but I know I want to be present to live whatever life I have left.
So if there are any other DDers out there can relate or have thoughts or advice to share I hope you will do so. I have more to add but for today I just wanted to throw this thought out there.
My topic is that Depersonalization and Dissociation are big factors in my life and I am
they contributed to my tendency to escape into MaDD early in my life.I think I have a good grasp on what these terms mean, having gone through quite a few years of therapy in VA hospitals. I even took an very detailed exam or questionnaire about DP with an intern therapist and it "proved" to me that I qualified as a DP case, but it did not impress her very much. And I absolutely could not qualify for DD since I do not have a distinct, named alter ego personality. So that left me with the diagnosis of PTSD and a mild inferiority complex.
O.K., but having had a lot of education in mental health conditions from all these group sessions I have determined that for me - and possibly for other MaDDers - the fact of being so neglected and disregarded by people: family, school, teachers.... - was Depersonalizing to us. It was a matter of being treated like you are not a person and not deserving of respect. Instead of being asked: "Tell me what you mean, I am trying to understand you," we got: "Shut and and do what you are told!... you are a bad boy for talking in class... you should be listening to the teacher and not looking at the girls..." .
This kind of treatment from early childhood, I believe, lead me to want to escape into a fantasy world where I was somebody, accomplishing things and being respected and appreciated.
And now? i want to end this behavior. I do not see any value in continuing to escape from the present because I am stressed or bored or scared or disappointed .... hungry, tired, broke... et cetera. I want to adopt the habit of breathing and being present for the events and doing the best I can, whether that calls for action or just being present and breathing.
I do not know how to cure the DP disorder - according to my own definition of DP - but I know I want to be present to live whatever life I have left.
So if there are any other DDers out there can relate or have thoughts or advice to share I hope you will do so. I have more to add but for today I just wanted to throw this thought out there.
