I did more college research for my characters than for mysel
Oct 31, 2019 8:15:05 GMT
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Post by Marcydel on Oct 31, 2019 8:15:05 GMT
Right around the time where I was supposed to start 
about my future, I was more concerned about a character’s future than my own. Not only that, but I would spend HOURS, entire days researching academic or biographical paths for my characters, making my stories as realistic as possible so I can live through them. And not only that either 
, when I wasn’t doing research, I was constantly about it, second-guessing the realism, obsessing even during lectures and trying to do homework.
I skipped a class, probably bombed an exam, and missed an assignment because I couldn’t stop obsessing over my character’s backstory. All just so I can experience certain sensations through her.
Also, I’m not quite keeping up as well hygienically as I usually do. I’m hardly eating meals (eating a lot of candy instead, probably doesn’t help), delaying bathing, grooming, sleeping (I’m staying up later and later, only getting about an hour or two of real sleep a night). I mean, it’s really not that bad and I always push myself to take care of myself before it gets really bad. But still, I look in the mirror at the tangled hair I haven’t washed and brushed for days and the clothes I haven’t changed and just feel embarrassed and ashamed, yet still unwilling to stop my MD.
Then there’s some guilt. I feel pretty bad about it. My parents are working so hard to put me through college and they have so much support and expectations for me, and I’m over here shitting it away. I’m not even blaming MD for these kinds of lapses, I did at first but I know it’s me that’s the problem, not MD. And the worst part is, I don’t want to stop. Like, I’m not really planning to stop, I’m obsessed with the virtual experience my amazing visualization abilities give me.
Thanks for reading, I wanted to vent to people that understand. I know it’s a depressing topic, but does anybody else feel guilty about neglecting their own life, but not really willing to stop MD at the same time? Tell me about your experiences.
about my future, I was more concerned about a character’s future than my own. Not only that, but I would spend HOURS, entire days researching academic or biographical paths for my characters, making my stories as realistic as possible so I can live through them. And not only that either 
, when I wasn’t doing research, I was constantly about it, second-guessing the realism, obsessing even during lectures and trying to do homework. I skipped a class, probably bombed an exam, and missed an assignment because I couldn’t stop obsessing over my character’s backstory. All just so I can experience certain sensations through her.
Also, I’m not quite keeping up as well hygienically as I usually do. I’m hardly eating meals (eating a lot of candy instead, probably doesn’t help
), delaying bathing, grooming, sleeping (I’m staying up later and later, only getting about an hour or two of real sleep a night). I mean, it’s really not that bad and I always push myself to take care of myself before it gets really bad. But still, I look in the mirror at the tangled hair I haven’t washed and brushed for days and the clothes I haven’t changed and just feel embarrassed and ashamed, yet still unwilling to stop my MD. Then there’s some guilt. I feel pretty bad about it. My parents are working so hard to put me through college and they have so much support and expectations for me, and I’m over here shitting it away. I’m not even blaming MD for these kinds of lapses, I did at first but I know it’s me that’s the problem, not MD. And the worst part is, I don’t want to stop. Like, I’m not really planning to stop, I’m obsessed with the virtual experience my amazing visualization abilities give me.
Thanks for reading, I wanted to vent to people that understand. I know it’s a depressing topic, but does anybody else feel guilty about neglecting their own life, but not really willing to stop MD at the same time? Tell me about your experiences.
