not md related, but needed to talk

hey guys, i dont know why but there has been a huge shift in how people see me. now for a week people in my class are out right cursing me out and talking about me in third person while i am next to them, and they do it just hard enough for me to hear it. and i guess what hurts the most is that the two center pieces of it i i viewed as friends just before the vacation.

this all started after the vacation,  and i am just so lost. 

i have agression problems (go to psychologist for that and dysthymia) and would have normaly beat the shit out of them by now, or destroyed their lives in a controlled and planned way (beating them emotionally). But weirdly enough i have been acting as if i dont hear nor see all that and still act the exact same way, including sitting next to them and talking and all that. 

its really heard for me to do so and i dont know how or why i am doing it, but i try it anyway.

i dont understand what i have done wrong, before the vacation i was seen as the girl you can have random conversation with about morals and ethics, the girl that doesnt mind a debate, the wise girl that knows how to give advise, the girl that forgets your secret as soon as you are done talking and everyone loved me for these reasons (or at least didnt hate me)

but now if i even talk to answer the teacher i hear them saying "why the hell doesnt she fucking shut her mouth" and thats the mildest things i have heard so far. and its mainly the two girls i have been best friends with for a year and a half and was just kinda friends with for a year after that (outgrew each other). and the only thing i can remember doing before the vacation that could have changed things is lying to them as to why i wasnt going to join them for some activities, i dont love lying but this was because it was really important for me to keep it personal, and after just ignoring the question they kept asking.
but this doesnt seem that important, and it def isnt something other class mates will join in on.

so i just dont understand why. i am afraid i went into auto-mode and did something i dont remember having done instead.
i go a lot in auto mode but it never backfired.

knowing myself and my problems, i wont take much more before i explode (its weird it didnt already happen) and i dont want it happening. if i explode i am gonna mess up my 4 years of good behaviour in school and probably end up regreting everything. i caught myself making a list of what the weakness of the main girl is (things like menatl challenged brother, past quotes and all that stuff you could really hurt someone with when talked about)

i came here even tho it isnt md related because i think this is the only place where i have been completly honest all the time, i think you guys know me better then my friends do. and it just helps talking about my triggers, it calms me down.

i cant ignore it forever, can i? i might be a popular once in time fellow conversationist but i dont really have many people i talk to regulary (before this i did) and this just makes me feel like the lonelyest person on the planet.
i Always claim not to care about what others think aboout me, but i guess it was a lie to keep me happy. i do need other people, humans are social animals after all.