Post by deepblue on Nov 29, 2019 10:23:46 GMT
Hello, I came across this forum while reading a blog about MD. It is just a few months that I started to face MD for what it is and how it influences my life. The thing is, I m very tired of it. And I need to talk with people who actually understand what I'm going through. not my friends or family members to whom I talk about it these days but all I get is feeling of shame and considering their face expressions or advices, all I see they have no clue about what I'm talking.
Honestly, i don't remember myself without MD, it might've been started in veery early childhood. But as a child, I remember how happy it made me. I could spend hours in a colorful world all created by me. but very soon it turned into a habit and method of escaping reality i disliked. and afterwards, it became strong self defense mechanism. For years I used to hate myself for doing it. thought i was crazy or something. it felt so odd, although interacting with a real world felt even odder. I never was an antisocial person, or introvert. I think a word ambivalent characterizes me most. And MD has always been a secret that I kept from everyone. As years went by, my MD characters became less fantasized and more taken from reality, as I started dealing with reality and real problems into MD. That's the worst part of MD I guess. After some time it influences your self, makes you less and less able to deal with everyday life, problems, stuff. Even good stuff. I catch myself feeling empty in the circumstances which should definitely make me feel something. It is all about feelings in my case. I believe I'm Feelings Maniac. Always craving for feeling more and more, as if there's no such thing as enough. That's why, now my daydreams are not as complex or detailed, the process does not take hours and hours of creating another world. My daydreams are short and fast. Effective, as they're oriented on details which only arouse very intense feelings in me. I think over years of experiencing MD in life, you experiment it more and more, giving it different shape, taking in into different levels. For me, I combined it with mind wandering process, meaning that once one short, fast daydream is over, another one begins, and another one, and subjects or scenarios are not connected to each other, kinda looks like 'stream of consciousness'. I always just run around my room while doing this, always have music turned on, door locked and a mirror nearby. I catch myself lost in that stream of consciousness, absorbed in it. It is interesting for me to reason the very moment when I decide to begin MD. Sometimes I do it because I'm bored. Sometimes I do it to deal with events occurred in real life. Sometimes I do it because the urge is so strong I simply can not resist. There's another type of MD. The one that happens by itself. I think that has some connection with mind wandering. This one scares me the most. Because it decides for itself to happen, making it completely uncontrollable. At least for now. Like I said, it's been couple of months I started to explore, to reason MD. Even abstained from it for a month. It was so hard. I started it again then. From Whatever I have read or watched about MD, everyone says you should just obligate yourself to not engage into process. I need more advices in this subject I suppose. Like, if there are some helpful technics to resist doing it. I m so eager to end this but then there comes days when I simply lie to myself, pretend it's alright to do it, as if running on a circle endlessly. I wanna leave that circle so much. Stay connected in real world, contribute for real things and real goals. I need more tips about how to do it and I need people in my life with whom I share similarities with this damn thing. Glad to find this forum though. Never been a member of any forum before. Sorry if there are bunch of mistakes up there, English is not my first language. But I hope that's ok. I will entitle here link of a blog that helped me realize lots of things about MD. maladaptivedaydreamingguide.wordpress.com/ maybe some of you find it helpful as well. Anyway, hope to talk with you guys here to share things and help each other.
Honestly, i don't remember myself without MD, it might've been started in veery early childhood. But as a child, I remember how happy it made me. I could spend hours in a colorful world all created by me. but very soon it turned into a habit and method of escaping reality i disliked. and afterwards, it became strong self defense mechanism. For years I used to hate myself for doing it. thought i was crazy or something. it felt so odd, although interacting with a real world felt even odder. I never was an antisocial person, or introvert. I think a word ambivalent characterizes me most. And MD has always been a secret that I kept from everyone. As years went by, my MD characters became less fantasized and more taken from reality, as I started dealing with reality and real problems into MD. That's the worst part of MD I guess. After some time it influences your self, makes you less and less able to deal with everyday life, problems, stuff. Even good stuff. I catch myself feeling empty in the circumstances which should definitely make me feel something. It is all about feelings in my case. I believe I'm Feelings Maniac. Always craving for feeling more and more, as if there's no such thing as enough. That's why, now my daydreams are not as complex or detailed, the process does not take hours and hours of creating another world. My daydreams are short and fast. Effective, as they're oriented on details which only arouse very intense feelings in me. I think over years of experiencing MD in life, you experiment it more and more, giving it different shape, taking in into different levels. For me, I combined it with mind wandering process, meaning that once one short, fast daydream is over, another one begins, and another one, and subjects or scenarios are not connected to each other, kinda looks like 'stream of consciousness'. I always just run around my room while doing this, always have music turned on, door locked and a mirror nearby. I catch myself lost in that stream of consciousness, absorbed in it. It is interesting for me to reason the very moment when I decide to begin MD. Sometimes I do it because I'm bored. Sometimes I do it to deal with events occurred in real life. Sometimes I do it because the urge is so strong I simply can not resist. There's another type of MD. The one that happens by itself. I think that has some connection with mind wandering. This one scares me the most. Because it decides for itself to happen, making it completely uncontrollable. At least for now. Like I said, it's been couple of months I started to explore, to reason MD. Even abstained from it for a month. It was so hard. I started it again then. From Whatever I have read or watched about MD, everyone says you should just obligate yourself to not engage into process. I need more advices in this subject I suppose. Like, if there are some helpful technics to resist doing it. I m so eager to end this but then there comes days when I simply lie to myself, pretend it's alright to do it, as if running on a circle endlessly. I wanna leave that circle so much. Stay connected in real world, contribute for real things and real goals. I need more tips about how to do it and I need people in my life with whom I share similarities with this damn thing. Glad to find this forum though. Never been a member of any forum before. Sorry if there are bunch of mistakes up there, English is not my first language. But I hope that's ok. I will entitle here link of a blog that helped me realize lots of things about MD. maladaptivedaydreamingguide.wordpress.com/ maybe some of you find it helpful as well. Anyway, hope to talk with you guys here to share things and help each other.
