The Reason I Daydream

I haven’t been on here or posted anything in almost 2 months and that’s because I’ve been going through a lot. This year has been the worst of my life. Mainly because I’m being honest with myself about who I am and why I do things. After coming to a realization, it hit me that I was an addict. I was addicted to daydreaming. But why was I addicted? Why was I in my head so much? Even at 21 years old? Then it hit me... it’s because I was never satisfied with my reality. I don’t like the person I am in real life. Even though I have characters in my head too, the main thing I daydream about is being normal. Being normal and living my dream which is to pursue a music career. I just want to win so bad but it feels like the real me can’t do that. Tomorrow I’m supposed to do an open mic night but I can’t bring myself to prepare properly for it. It was the same with talent shows. My mom had to constantly stay on me and even made me drop out of one because I didn’t prepare properly. I can remember listening to the song I was gonna sing over and over visualizing me singing at the talent show and it going well. I remember bawling my eyes out because of it. I haven’t gotten in front of an audience and sang in 6 years. I’m just tired of saying things and not actually doing them. I unexpectedly got laid off from my job which triggered me to want to do an open mic and wanting to pursue my dreams even more but I want that to be reality. I want that to be what once started as a dream becoming real. That’s how I pictured everything I wanted to go after. I want so badly for my dreams to become a reality but I can’t even push myself to get up and do it you know? I feel it would be a huge accomplishment for me. Anyways I’m rambling on. The moral of the story is that I wanted to be the person I am in my head and not the person I am in real life. It’s always been that way for me. I don’t know if it’s the same for you guys but I wanted to share that with you all and rant a little bit .