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Post by katie on Dec 12, 2018 19:13:14 GMT
Growing up I didn't know I had a heart condition until I was about 21. This meant that over doing anything like playing with my friends example catch made me sick so I kept quiet and most spent time on my own playing with toys so I isolated myself away from the friends. I was also bullied though out school until I was about 19 which cause my social anxiety. I think loneliness and social anxiety caused mine.
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Post by mary123 on Mar 28, 2019 17:26:22 GMT
When I was 5 years old my father had a heart attack and he stayed for 7 years in a permanent vegetative state. It was very traumatic for a kid. I didn't had a father to raise me, I couldn't bring any friends to my house, in the father day at school mine wasn't there (everyone asked if he was dead or something like this). I start daydreaming very early, to scape from this life. But for me, a kid with 5 or 6 year old, that was just a normal way to play and distract myself, but I didn't tell anyone, I tought it was embarasing. As I was growing up I kept daydreaming knowing that wasn't normal, but also just ignoring this problem in my life. One day, like 2 ou 3 years ago, I just found out what is MD and I could see myself in the post I read about it. Since that day, there are times that I try to control myself, I know what is my trigger, I know the roots, but is something that is out of my control, because gives me pleasure like I was addicted.
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WhiteWing
New Daydreamer
Rain and a lot of coffee. Korean/Chill Music <3. Chase Atlantic
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Post by WhiteWing on Apr 8, 2019 6:03:31 GMT
for me is the lack of something, I have two characters that fills that with MDD:
-One for Fear.
-And another for success.
Desmond has strong verbal and physical defense. And the other one it's at the peak of my personal goals.
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Post by kiki on Apr 8, 2019 11:07:48 GMT
(This is my first post on here so bear with me haha)
I can relate to whitewing on their post. Personally, I have different versions of myself in different scenarios. Most of the time I'm quite happy with different people around me in my head, but more often than not I put my character in a bad position. Usually, if my abuser/s (I don't want to reveal too much about them) say something mean to me or I get anxious, I put my character in the same/similar/worse situation, in my head. Does anyone else do that too?
And I can get overly emotional from my daydreams. Even though I just make it up, it can make me feel so down and I've cried a lot from daydreaming. Does anyone else get that way?
I just hope I'm not the only one.
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Post by fellowmder on Jun 5, 2019 5:39:33 GMT
Hi. I would like to think of myself as a happy daydreamer from the time I started (like 5 years old) till about 17 years old. I daydreamed all the time but never viewed it as a negative thing. What turned my constant daydreaming into more maladaptive behavior was when I began to use it as a coping mechanism. I’ve recently discovered I have a hard time with rejection and internalize it. I use my daydreaming to visualize myself (a slighter better version of myself) as someone who is deeply loved and accepted. My rejection came mostly from a romantic aspect so my daydream themes now tend to revolve around a romantic relationship. When I was younger it was more about adventures with friends or simply because I wanted to create cool stories and scenarios in my mind (which also helped give me the confidence to try new things growing up). My quest is to take the coping mechanism out of my daydreaming so I can be a happy day dreamer again. I don’t think it’s realistic for me to not day dream a lot but I do think it’s realistic to adjust the expectations or the reasons for daydreaming. I think the key to that is conquering my fear of rejection that is obviously crippling me irl. Using it as a coping mechanism in the actual moment of rejection or breakup helped a lot but I’m having to come to terms and realize it’s not serving me now. These are just my thoughts though. 🤷🏼♀️ Your story is similar to mine in some aspects. When i were 5 i guess, my older brother(4 years older) had a kidney failure. After his transplantation (my parents not being home for a month, living with relatives) i felt a lot lonely. I did a lot to grab their attention- hurting myself intentionally, stapling my fingers, banging head on the wall. I were really aggressive. To be franked i liked getting wounded. I were rotten as hell. I was in a school where i felt everyone to be too good in everything- looks and brains. I always had this complex meeting anyone in class. So, I considered myself to go for brains. I guess i worked a lot after studies. People talked with me only for my notebooks and projects i guess. When they would find others they disappeared. That ain't the case now though. With good grades everyone in family expected a lot from me from the start. I liked this attention. During those good times i would daydream but it never hindered my life; it wasn't a coping mechanism until high school. My grades fell through, my parents were always disappointed, i were in a dummy school so i hardly had any friends except one. Because my brother has only one kidney and has gone through some pretty tough operations and diagnosis two years ago, everyone is always careful around him. No scolding, not to do any heavy works(he does a lot though) always keep his illnesses at check. My parents are always too caring. It isn't that they haven't spoiled me but i wished they knew about my mdd. This time frame is harder than anything. The feeling of not being able to control yourself. Talking to them about my problems always made them feel i were weak. I know i am but wasn't there something they could do about it? Their advice always seemed hollow. I know i am rattling right now cause i am in a tight spot. My daydreams always have me as centre of attention. Grades, positions, you name it and i had it. Kinda stupid and center seeking but i cannot accept myself anything less than perfect cause my parents' falling through attention and lying to relatives(you know how they manipulate their talks while talking about grades, i don't blame them) really irks me.
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Post by akajb on Jun 11, 2019 23:12:36 GMT
My first post here, I'm reading all of your stories and so many elements seem to resonate with me more than anything I have ever read before. I was growing up as a child of a single mother. I had all those classic experiences of having to explain myself / rationalise the fact that I never had a dad (it's actually one of the many types of memories which I repressed for a very long time), but the most important thing was probably how my life revolved around the three people in my family: my mother and the grandparents. Before my preteens, my mother would travel a lot for work, leaving me with my grandparents for months. But I didn't daydream back then yet. Then when I was around 12 my mother was diagnosed with cancer. The family had the worst idea ever, tried to hide it from me: I was basically separated from her for almost a year - my grandparents didn't want me to know too much. That is when I started daydreaming, trying to distract myself from the feelings of confusion and about her illness (since I knew about it anyways, it's difficult to hide such things from children). Daydreaming was a way to avoid about all the whispers, all the paranoia surrounding me at every point. Not surprisingly, I also then developed clinical paranoia: constantly feeling observed, monitored, with virtually no privacy. Right as my mother began recovering, my grandfather - the one who had been taking care of me until then - died unexpectedly. Then I already knew that daydreaming could be an ideal form of avoidance. That is when my daydreams really got into full swing - they became so strong, I could no longer interact with any of my peers. I basically had no friends until my late teens, when my MD started becoming kind of more "cyclical"? It's still as distracting as before, but now I get a 2-3 week break every couple of months when I can sort of feel like a normal person.
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Post by katie on Jun 20, 2019 15:13:09 GMT
Its great to see so many people opening up to what they think is the cause of their MD thank you for sharing. I went and got therapy to help out with my social anxiety which I think was cause by the bullying and other things in my life. It seem to calm down some of my triggers which is a good thing I am not as stressed or anxious anymore.Its a working progress figuring out how to control and treat MD but its worth focusing on daily important to look after our well being and mental health.
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Post by julamad on Aug 13, 2019 7:41:13 GMT
I remember when I reached am age where I just didn't enjoyed playing with toys, I was not old enough to go out yet so I played videogames all day or watched tv. My parents thought that was not healthy so they restricted my tv time to 1 hr a day and my gaming time to 30 minutes, so I found myself without nothing to do in all the day after school. I remember laying in my bed and forcing myself to imagine things out of boredom, with time it came naturally and became the thing I enjoyed the most.
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Marcydel
Junior Daydreamer
Enter your message here...
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Post by Marcydel on Aug 13, 2019 22:51:35 GMT
I guess I was shy, and I felt different from and inferior than the other kids for some reason, bottled things up so other people wouldn’t have to deal with my neurotic personality, and felt uncomfortable in my own body for some other mysterious reason.
Idk, even though nothing was wrong with my external life, all I remember feeling is negativity towards the physical world, probably because of the reasons above.
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Marcydel
Junior Daydreamer
Enter your message here...
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Post by Marcydel on Aug 14, 2019 2:32:04 GMT
Plus, I know that analyzing myself and my MDs (and its possible causes) is crucial to stopping it, but I also found that there is such a thing as over-analyzation and can be just as much a black spiral as MD itself. I’ve been told by multiple people that I spend way too much time overanalyzing myself to the point where I dwell too much on what I and other people perceive is wrong with me. This distracts me from the world just as much as MD does.
Then when my head is jumbled and confused about what to think at this point, I go right back to daydreaming to ease the turmoil and to feel good and coherent about myself instead. Huh, I seem to take everything to the extreme 😤
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biancaj
New Daydreamer
english is not my first language, please forgive my mistakes
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Post by biancaj on Sept 18, 2019 18:15:06 GMT
for me is the lack of something, I have two characters that fills that with MDD: -One for Fear. -And another for success. Desmond has strong verbal and physical defense. And the other one it's at the peak of my personal goals. I should try this! they could help each other
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biancaj
New Daydreamer
english is not my first language, please forgive my mistakes
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Post by biancaj on Sept 18, 2019 18:18:46 GMT
(This is my first post on here so bear with me haha) I can relate to whitewing on their post. Personally, I have different versions of myself in different scenarios. Most of the time I'm quite happy with different people around me in my head, but more often than not I put my character in a bad position. Usually, if my abuser/s (I don't want to reveal too much about them) say something mean to me or I get anxious, I put my character in the same/similar/worse situation, in my head. Does anyone else do that too? And I can get overly emotional from my daydreams. Even though I just make it up, it can make me feel so down and I've cried a lot from daydreaming. Does anyone else get that way? I just hope I'm not the only one. you are not the only one. I cry a lot
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biancaj
New Daydreamer
english is not my first language, please forgive my mistakes
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Post by biancaj on Sept 18, 2019 19:05:27 GMT
I guess I was shy, and I felt different from and inferior than the other kids for some reason, bottled things up so other people wouldn’t have to deal with my neurotic personality, and felt uncomfortable in my own body for some other mysterious reason. Idk, even though nothing was wrong with my external life, all I remember feeling is negativity towards the physical world, probably because of the reasons above. in few words, you managed to explain it all
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Post by dragontooth00 on Sept 29, 2019 23:34:59 GMT
I’m not 100% about how mine started either. I know it happened when I pushed my brother away when I reached middle school, because playing make believe with him wasn’t fun anymore or something. It was a while ago, so I can’t really remember the details. I just know that when I isolated myself, I began listening to music and pacing, and daydreaming when I did it. I feel bad about pushing him away, but we’ve got a pretty good relationship now. :3
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Post by outofdagame on Sept 30, 2019 12:25:50 GMT
i have no idea what caused my MD. sometimes i think it might be the divorce that my parents went through when i was 8 (i'm 24 now). but when i think about my childhood, i remember daydreaming way before my parents divorced. sometimes i think it's just how my brain was wired. maybe the area in the brain that activates daydreaming and imagination is abnormally active? i wish we had more research on that. i study psychology and my main focus is to do my research on this topic.
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Post by katie on Sept 30, 2019 12:35:19 GMT
i have no idea what caused my MD. sometimes i think it might be the divorce that my parents went through when i was 8 (i'm 24 now). but when i think about my childhood, i remember daydreaming way before my parents divorced. sometimes i think it's just how my brain was wired. maybe the area in the brain that activates daydreaming and imagination is abnormally active? i wish we had more research on that. i study psychology and my main focus is to do my research on this topic. The part where you think its overly active is a good thinking its is in ways I would say but why we do it and what trigger is has to come to mind to in the way we use it to cope. I am a childcare worker so knowing how children learn and develop so if you need any help with knowledge in the early year when you get down to your research let me know but glad to give you any help I can.
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