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Post by katie on Dec 12, 2018 19:13:14 GMT
Growing up I didn't know I had a heart condition until I was about 21. This meant that over doing anything like playing with my friends example catch made me sick so I kept quiet and most spent time on my own playing with toys so I isolated myself away from the friends. I was also bullied though out school until I was about 19 which cause my social anxiety. I think loneliness and social anxiety caused mine.
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Post by itazmia on Nov 23, 2019 11:51:31 GMT
For me it went completely out of control when I said 'I love you' to a girl liked at the time in my outside world. I had become obsessed with her and I couldn't control my thoughts. One night I said I love you to the imagery of her. And using my vocal chords I said I love you too. This creates a very strong connection to my inner imagery. :( Most of my day dreams revolve around acceptance or being accepted but can't do in real life. The fact there's people in my dream rather than inanimate objects tells me it's to do with how I can't seem to control people in real life or lack the ability to make people fall in love with me, or perhaps the right one should I say. This also stemmed from a very traumatic up bringing, loneliness. Also trauma as I was growing up caused by trying to make people like me
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Post by dragontooth00 on Dec 3, 2019 21:33:14 GMT
So I’ve posted here before, saying I didn’t know what caused my MD, but I think I’m starting to get some 20/20 hindsight due to some recent stuff happening in my house. I think I may have been trying to escape my mother. She’s not been physically abusive, but I have realized that she always goes back and forth about what she thinks of me depending on if she’s happy or angry. She’s said a lot of things in anger, even when I was little, and maybe I’ve been trying to escape her impossible standards for who I should be as a person. I don’t meet her standards, even for the little things. Yesterday she said some really messed up stuff to me. She started a huge fight over one , claiming she thought she “taught me better” when all she’s ever done was tell me not to be “disrespectful.” She promises I can come to her for things, but then she goes back on her word. If she offers to help me with my homework, and then I come to her, she’s exasperated beyond belief. Every negative emotion is always first met with “stop faking” or “act like a normal person” before she shows “genuine” concern. And I’m just not buying it anymore. She said all the stuff that happened yesterday was my fault, and that I should think that I’m wrong, just so I can “gain a new perspective.” And she also said that I was trying to avoid responsibility. “It’s all your fault I baselessly accused you of lying your dad pushed you across the house screaming in your face” and “you’re avoiding responsibility” really don’t go together, and I don’t think that’s just me. If y’all know how MD is, and you do, you KNOW why that’s a super awful thing to say. Not only do I see this as manipulative language, but Bc of the depression and lack of identity that goes with this, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if she was really trying to make me a victim here. Ive lost all trust I ever had in her AND my dad. My bro was the only one on my side throughout the whole thing. I’m just so done with them. My mom and I have been fighting like this for a while, every now and again, but I’ve had enough. I don’t think this is what a happy family looks like, and I’m almost certain this is what I’ve been escaping from, even if I didn’t or couldn’t acknowledge it back then. Sorry for the long paragraph. I’ve just been super tense about this, the anger isn’t leaving, and I’ve been having those pretend arguments where I actually get to say how I feel without being interrupted. I’m not in a good place emotionally rn. I hope you’re all having a good day.
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Post by Sam on Dec 3, 2019 21:55:47 GMT
So I’ve posted here before, saying I didn’t know what caused my MD, but I think I’m starting to get some 20/20 hindsight due to some recent stuff happening in my house. I think I may have been trying to escape my mother. She’s not been physically abusive, but I have realized that she always goes back and forth about what she thinks of me depending on if she’s happy or angry. She’s said a lot of things in anger, even when I was little, and maybe I’ve been trying to escape her impossible standards for who I should be as a person. I don’t meet her standards, even for the little things. Yesterday she said some really messed up stuff to me. She started a huge fight over one eye roll, claiming she thought she “taught me better” when all she’s ever done was tell me not to be “disrespectful.” She promises I can come to her for things, but then she goes back on her word. If she offers to help me with my homework, and then I come to her, she’s exasperated beyond belief. Every negative emotion is always first met with “stop faking” or “act like a normal person” before she shows “genuine” concern. And I’m just not buying it anymore. She said all the stuff that happened yesterday was my fault, and that I should think that I’m wrong, just so I can “gain a new perspective.” And she also said that I was trying to avoid responsibility. “It’s all your fault I baselessly accused you of lying your dad pushed you across the house screaming in your face” and “you’re avoiding responsibility” really don’t go together, and I don’t think that’s just me. If y’all know how MD is, and you do, you KNOW why that’s a super awful thing to say. Not only do I see this as manipulative language, but Bc of the depression and lack of identity that goes with this, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if she was really trying to make me a victim here. Ive lost all trust I ever had in her AND my dad. My bro was the only one on my side throughout the whole thing. I’m just so done with them. My mom and I have been fighting like this for a while, every now and again, but I’ve had enough. I don’t think this is what a happy family looks like, and I’m almost certain this is what I’ve been escaping from, even if I didn’t or couldn’t acknowledge it back then. Sorry for the long paragraph. I’ve just been super tense about this, the anger isn’t leaving, and I’ve been having those pretend arguments where I actually get to say how I feel without being interrupted. I’m not in a good place emotionally rn. I hope you’re all having a good day. That doesn't sound like a very healthy environment to be in. Its really no wonder why you want to escape. Is there any chance you'll actually be able to leave and live on your own/with a friend sometime soon?
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Post by dragontooth00 on Dec 3, 2019 22:03:37 GMT
So I’ve posted here before, saying I didn’t know what caused my MD, but I think I’m starting to get some 20/20 hindsight due to some recent stuff happening in my house. I think I may have been trying to escape my mother. She’s not been physically abusive, but I have realized that she always goes back and forth about what she thinks of me depending on if she’s happy or angry. She’s said a lot of things in anger, even when I was little, and maybe I’ve been trying to escape her impossible standards for who I should be as a person. I don’t meet her standards, even for the little things. Yesterday she said some really messed up stuff to me. She started a huge fight over one , claiming she thought she “taught me better” when all she’s ever done was tell me not to be “disrespectful.” She promises I can come to her for things, but then she goes back on her word. If she offers to help me with my homework, and then I come to her, she’s exasperated beyond belief. Every negative emotion is always first met with “stop faking” or “act like a normal person” before she shows “genuine” concern. And I’m just not buying it anymore. She said all the stuff that happened yesterday was my fault, and that I should think that I’m wrong, just so I can “gain a new perspective.” And she also said that I was trying to avoid responsibility. “It’s all your fault I baselessly accused you of lying your dad pushed you across the house screaming in your face” and “you’re avoiding responsibility” really don’t go together, and I don’t think that’s just me. If y’all know how MD is, and you do, you KNOW why that’s a super awful thing to say. Not only do I see this as manipulative language, but Bc of the depression and lack of identity that goes with this, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if she was really trying to make me a victim here. Ive lost all trust I ever had in her AND my dad. My bro was the only one on my side throughout the whole thing. I’m just so done with them. My mom and I have been fighting like this for a while, every now and again, but I’ve had enough. I don’t think this is what a happy family looks like, and I’m almost certain this is what I’ve been escaping from, even if I didn’t or couldn’t acknowledge it back then. Sorry for the long paragraph. I’ve just been super tense about this, the anger isn’t leaving, and I’ve been having those pretend arguments where I actually get to say how I feel without being interrupted. I’m not in a good place emotionally rn. I hope you’re all having a good day. That doesn't sound like a very healthy environment to be in. Its really no wonder why you want to escape. Is there any chance you'll actually be able to leave and live on your own/with a friend sometime soon? I’ve talked to my bf about moving in with him and his parents in Canada, and they’re on board for it, so I’m planning on going there. Idk if it will be anytime super soon, as I have to get a student visa and stuff together so that I can actually live there, but it’s in the works.
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Post by Sam on Dec 4, 2019 0:56:55 GMT
That doesn't sound like a very healthy environment to be in. Its really no wonder why you want to escape. Is there any chance you'll actually be able to leave and live on your own/with a friend sometime soon? I’ve talked to my bf about moving in with him and his parents in Canada, and they’re on board for it, so I’m planning on going there. Idk if it will be anytime super soon, as I have to get a student visa and stuff together so that I can actually live there, but it’s in the works. That's good. At least you have a plan. I hope you can get your visa without too much hassle.
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Post by dragontooth00 on Dec 4, 2019 1:01:44 GMT
I’ve talked to my bf about moving in with him and his parents in Canada, and they’re on board for it, so I’m planning on going there. Idk if it will be anytime super soon, as I have to get a student visa and stuff together so that I can actually live there, but it’s in the works. That's good. At least you have a plan. I hope you can get your visa without too much hassle. Thank you! I hope so too.
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