|
Post by Sam on Dec 13, 2018 0:35:46 GMT
I think that I mentioned in one of my posts (both here and on my blog) that I consider the emotions that I feel when daydreaming to be pseudo-emotions. We all know that our daydreaming can cause a wide variety of emotions; pleasant and unpleasant; strong and weak. When you experience them through a daydream, especially if the main character is an idealized version of yourself, like mine usually is, you're feeling the emotions but you aren't experiencing them in the way that is proper and healthy. Its like a twisted version of the non-identification with emotions that mindfulness and meditation teach.
I would even say that, personally, I started using daydreaming as a conduit for all of the emotions that I should be feeling in real life, but for whatever reason I deny myself.
Obviously, when you start feeling an emotion, most people either express it or repress it. Both of those options have their good sides and bad sides. But something that I've noticed is that I, having maladaptive daydreaming, tend to shift any and all emotions that real life-me is feeling onto alternate-me. Alternate-me is generally much better at dealing with or letting go emotions than real life-me is. And while I understand why I do it for emotions that I consider to be unpleasant (such as grief, fear, anger, or sadness), why I do it with pleasant, positive ones is somewhat of a mystery.
I've come to the conclusion that perhaps I don't feel worthy of expressing emotions, positive or negative. I carry a lot of bitterness and anger toward my peers for them choosing not to stay in touch with me. But, as I realized this morning after analyzing the content of some of my daydreams, I also think that I'm angry at myself for abandoning them. And for making the choices that at the time seemed for the best but really just led to more isolation and pain. Perhaps the emotional transfer became a kind of punishment by making myself feel less human (after all, emotions are a mostly universal experience).
Or my almost complete isolation of the past 5 years has led me to become out of touch with regular emotional expression, as there isn't much of that in my household, so I may have forgotten how. Being disconnected with real people and having the internet be my main form of communication has cut me off from the experiences of the real world, which I'm sure has just made it that much more easy for me to slip into daydreaming instead of experiencing life to the fullest.
Has anyone else felt something similar? The emotional transfer is probably more prevalent in daydreamers whose characters are idealized versions of themselves, but I can't imagine that I'm the only one who experiences this.
|
|
|
Post by Sam on Sept 17, 2019 0:10:17 GMT
I tired to sit with my emotions today and I ended up crying so I started to daydream when my mind got that far. Its going to be a long road trying to ease negative emotions when I am not use to doing so plus my mind defends itself by daydreaming automatically when something is wrong with my and if I can't daydream if I am around people I zone out. Plus I have my mental health issues to deal with if it gets too much so I may wait and see what my psychotherapist says this Friday when I talk it out. I rather talk out to someone about how I am feeling rather than sitting with my feeling but I am sure not able to deal with them on my own is a bad thing. I think that talking about your feelings is, in a way, sitting with them. The whole point of sitting with your feelings is to not ignore or escape from them, and talking about them does neither of those things.
|
|