Icy
New Daydreamer
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Post by Icy on Jan 18, 2019 15:41:47 GMT
I have no desire for a relationship in real life and definitely have commitment issues. I just wondered if it's (at least partly) because I daydream about fictional characters/celebrities. If I didn't have the fantasies, would I want something real? It's hard to say for sure. I also know that nothing that's "real" could match up to the daydreams. The thing is, I'm not a romantic person in real life, far from it. Romance makes me cringe and yet... It's so different in my dreams. Because my daydreams ARE romantic, . I feel messed up.
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Post by katie on Jan 18, 2019 18:15:00 GMT
I have no desire for a relationship in real life and definitely have commitment issues. I just wondered if it's (at least partly) because I daydream about fictional characters/celebrities. If I didn't have the fantasies, would I want something real? It's hard to say for sure. I also know that nothing that's "real" could match up to the daydreams. The thing is, I'm not a romantic person in real life, far from it. Romance makes me cringe and yet... It's so different in my dreams. Because my daydreams ARE romantic, lol. I feel messed up. I feel the same way the past few years I have no interest for a relationship and I know a real relationship will never match up to the ones in my daydreams. When things where getting hard in my past relationship I made up the prefect romantic story and kept going back to it. Plus my past relationship ended badly now I have trust issues that maybe I need to talk to a professional about. Your not the only one that feels messed up.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 21, 2019 1:02:20 GMT
Hmm not really. The reason of me having commitment issues more to felt scared after seeing and hearing many relationship that went eff up. Even inside big family circle. And everyone seems shrugged and say "well clash in relationship especially marriage does normal". I might be coward to scared with conflicts, and ofc always not having stronger arguments. My dd to having relationship does exist but always ended like "nevermind, I might easily filing divorce when an argument happens either in dd and real life"
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Post by alvi on Jan 23, 2019 20:10:46 GMT
I don't think my daydreams are the reason I don't want a real relationship. In my case I think its all the bad past experiences in my real life relationships that have made me not want one and so I have picked my daydreams over them.
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Post by theduke on Jan 28, 2019 7:04:37 GMT
It makes me want one more. Sometimes I get a little when I daydream about that stuff because I am afraid I will never have something like that in real life.
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Post by sunflower on Jan 28, 2019 8:13:09 GMT
In my experience, most of my daydreams are romantic. I'm already 20 but I have never dated anyone my whole life. I thought it was because of my daydreams. Making me have unreachable standards. But now, I'm starting to like this guy. He's not really handsome, but he's fun to be with. So, I realized that my daydreams just makes me think of this perfect guy but does not really stop me from falling for a guy in the reality. Sadly, he doesn't like me back but I'm still grateful to have realized these things.
You just probably haven't met the right one.
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Post by Layla Farrell on Jan 28, 2019 22:18:42 GMT
Real life dating has always been a big no-no for me regardless of my DD, so no difference.
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Post by someone on Dec 17, 2019 2:38:33 GMT
It makes me want one more. Sometimes I get a little when I daydream about that stuff because I am afraid I will never have something like that in real life. I know that feeling. I've gotten it and still get it. Especially when I daydream about a real guy I like because then it's even worse since when I feel that way then it's because I really know I'll never have that guy.
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Post by potterhead on Dec 17, 2019 12:01:09 GMT
I feel the same way, not just with relationships, but with friendships as well. I'm kind of a hopeless romantic and most of my daydreams are about friendship and romance, but when it comes to real relationships I'm too scared to really put myself out there. I used to think I wanted a boyfriend and a lot of friends in real life and I would always try to make it happen, but in the end I would always get hurt and so I usually ended up going back to my daydreams. At some point I realized I actually prefer daydreaming to having real relationships because that way I won't get hurt.
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Post by natnonsense on Dec 18, 2019 23:42:49 GMT
I also feel the same way about my daydream relationships. I often imagine myself not only having romantic relationships with characters but also having friendships or family members I wish I had in real life. I don't necessarily think it distorts my view on my real life relationships or makes it uninteresting because I've dated before, but I definitely think it raises the standards as to what I look for in a partner/romantic relationship. I also prefer daydreaming to having a real relationship because it's less work and I can focus on all the good parts.
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Post by sarah on Dec 19, 2019 5:04:03 GMT
When I was 14 I really wanted a boyfriend but my mum forbid me from having one until I was 18. But by the time I was that age I had discovered I could have better relationships with the fictional characters in my dds. So when I was allowed a boyfriend I just didn't want one and it's been that way ever since.
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Post by kondiao on Dec 23, 2019 3:42:44 GMT
I have no desire for a relationship in real life and definitely have commitment issues. I just wondered if it's (at least partly) because I daydream about fictional characters/celebrities. If I didn't have the fantasies, would I want something real? It's hard to say for sure. I also know that nothing that's "real" could match up to the daydreams. The thing is, I'm not a romantic person in real life, far from it. Romance makes me cringe and yet... It's so different in my dreams. Because my daydreams ARE romantic, . I feel messed up. I don't feel that it is because of MaDD that a person avoids or passes on relationships.All of my romantic relationships have ended. The current one is wonderful but I cannot believe that she really will stay with me. My fantasy life is a separate issue and DDing has interfered a lot with my success at relationships as it has with work and writing and completing things I wanted to do. If you do not feel the need for a close relationship with a person then maybe you do allright solo. And if or when you get involved with someone it could be that you still have the DDing going on, maybe to a lesser extent.
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Post by someone on Dec 29, 2019 15:04:56 GMT
I feel the same way, not just with relationships, but with friendships as well. I'm kind of a hopeless romantic and most of my daydreams are about friendship and romance, but when it comes to real relationships I'm too scared to really put myself out there. I used to think I wanted a boyfriend and a lot of friends in real life and I would always try to make it happen, but in the end I would always get hurt and so I usually ended up going back to my daydreams. At some point I realized I actually prefer daydreaming to having real relationships because that way I won't get hurt. I also try to avoid the pain of interpersonal relationships. The fear of getting hurt holds us back, makes us think that we're better off avoiding the thing we had wanted because we'll be safer if we didn't try. Now I know too many people who have told me that crazy is constantly doing the same thing and expecting there to be a different outcome than the one that occurs every time. The problem with that logic is that in most cases we might apply that it doesn't actually apply. We might say, "Based on all my unsuccessful attempts, I can never get a good relationship, so I'm better off in my daydreams." However, an attempt does not always have to be the same. It's easier to draw a large conclusion than a small one, one that recognizes a mistake we made, from something painful. We can learn from our mistakes only if we identify the real mistake. So, maybe the problem isn't that all potential friends can't be trusted not to hurt you irreparably, maybe the problem is just the friends you had chosen in the past were that way. Or maybe there is something you can identify that you did or didn't do in every one of your relationships or attempts at forming them that caused you, or would have avoided you, pain. It's not uncommon for people to feel that they had enough and just give up, but we have to recognize that we would feel unhappy looking back at our lives to see that we gave up on something that was important to us. When we are old and forgetting things, we could end up very lonely because we are expecting our "friends" to visit, not realizing that the people we are about were never real in the first place. I used to have imaginary boyfriend's or friends that had problems, and though it is hard I was able to get myself from time to time to give them the problems I never wanted to deal with in other people. I came up when version after version of how I'll get through that problem and take control of the situation. But I ended up enjoying the daydreams better when there was no problem I never wanted to deal with in them, so I stopped daydreaming about them with those problems. I really shouldn't have because in real life we are going to have to face these things. The good daydream relationships/friendships help us understand what we really want, we learn about ourselves that way. But the realistic/problematic ones help us understand how to manage, and we learn things about ourselves that way. We learn our ideas on what to do in that situation: when to try again, when to leave, when to come back, when to recognize a misunderstanding, when to identify someone (sometimes oneself) is in the wrong, and so much more. We become more prepared for trials, and have more fantasies to compare real life to than just the best ones. But it's not a good idea to daydream excessively, I know that, but at least if you can manage giving time to more realistic daydreams, the real world might feel more manageable.
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Marcydel
Junior Daydreamer
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Post by Marcydel on Dec 30, 2019 22:17:01 GMT
Yep, I never considered dating, always been too self absorbed I guess. A lot of my daydreams are romantic though, so I think some part of me still desires relationships, but I guess I just have trouble translating that part of me in real life, even to myself.
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Post by madudu on Jan 4, 2020 16:07:01 GMT
Yes, I definitely relate to that.
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