Icy
New Daydreamer
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Post by Icy on Jan 18, 2019 15:41:47 GMT
I have no desire for a relationship in real life and definitely have commitment issues. I just wondered if it's (at least partly) because I daydream about fictional characters/celebrities. If I didn't have the fantasies, would I want something real? It's hard to say for sure. I also know that nothing that's "real" could match up to the daydreams. The thing is, I'm not a romantic person in real life, far from it. Romance makes me cringe and yet... It's so different in my dreams. Because my daydreams ARE romantic, . I feel messed up.
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Post by kiran on Jan 6, 2020 21:40:01 GMT
I have a long-term boyfriend (year and a half, about) and during my honeymoon period I definitely daydreamed a lot less because I was so happy, but when we had to deal with a long-distance relationship over the summer I reverted back to daydreaming to cope with the loneliness. When I'm with him, I actually never daydream (around everyone else, even close friends, I do) but since we have to be apart a lot as we're both busy students I seem to cope with being alone/stressed through daydreaming. It's definitely been difficult to hide from him and I'm trying to think of a way to tell him because I think he's starting to get suspicious of me.
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ohmymagenta0214
New Daydreamer
To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering. - Nietzsche
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Post by ohmymagenta0214 on Jan 7, 2020 3:47:21 GMT
I suppose on some small level I still want a ‘real’ relationship with a man. What gives me pause is the messiness of real relationships, the vulnerability, & the eventual hurt/betrayal. Why would I put myself out there to date only to have it end badly? The men I daydream of aren’t rich white knights coming to rescue me. They’re regular loyal blue collar guys who genuinely love & care abt me. I know this to be true for certain. There’s no guessing, no games. I just know. Partly I think this is why I daydream; there’s no anxiety abt where the guy stands in his feelings for me.
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ohmymagenta0214
New Daydreamer
To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering. - Nietzsche
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Post by ohmymagenta0214 on Jan 10, 2020 4:45:19 GMT
Past dating experiences have provided me with significant trust issues as well as an abysmally low self-esteem. If the opportunity presented itself where I could date a man IRL, I’m not saying I’d turn it down right away. Having a relationship with a man in my mind is far less messy than one IRL. Now, at my age, finding someone who: isn’t actively abusing substances, isn’t a convicted felon, has a car, isn’t living in his grandmothers basement, is gainfully employee & not a domestic abuser is apparently way too much to ask these days.
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Sasha
Junior Daydreamer
School is life
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Post by Sasha on Jan 10, 2020 18:55:03 GMT
I also think I have commitment issues of some sort. I can feel myself becoming attached to others, but I can't make myself be honest with them and open up, and I am convinced a relationship -of any sort- would end poorly. Additionally, even when I form friendships, I would rather leave everything behind -including them- than risk being hurt in any way, even if that means just being yelled at once. I'm talking a relationship for years and I am wiling to leave at the drop of a hat. Idk if this is the case for anyone else?
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Post by madamebovary on Jan 14, 2020 20:26:25 GMT
I can't figure out if I don't want one, or I just avoid one out of fear. The daydreams do cover part of the need to feel romantic love, at least while I can avoid facing my reality. The boys I crush on I would never let into my life, though, it is not only the daydreaming, but I don't think anyone would enjoy having a relationship with me. When I think of hanging out all the time, I don't really want a boyfriend, but I do crave romantic affection and aknowledgement. If that need did not exist in me, maybe I would not be daydreaming at all.
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Post by tess on Feb 15, 2020 21:15:03 GMT
My daydreams are all romantic but I am conflicted about whether I want to be in a real relationship. I have never been in a long-term relationship, the longest relationship was 6 months. And when he wanted to see me more often, almost every day, I felt suffocated and ended it eventually. I am so much used to having my independence and living alone. But when I was seeing him, I didn't daydream anymore. It didn't feel right to dd when I was with him and I didn't even miss it. But I do feel alone sometimes and when I have romantic dd, I do sometimes wish they would come true. Although I also know, the men in my dd are too perfect, they don't exist.
In my dd it's also much easier, because in real life it's so difficult to determine whether someone really likes you or not. That is why I don't like dating. And I also have this fear that I'll be rejected. The men in my dd never reject me. They never leave me. But the again, the moments that I was in love with a real man, it does feel good. I don't know... maybe it's all about being vulnerable and setting aside this fear of rejection.
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Post by philippe on Feb 15, 2020 23:49:34 GMT
I have wanted a real relationship, but have done nothing in real life to have one, I have only daydreamed about it.
Just like my education ... except I have forced myself enough to get a degree and a job.
There is a proverb in my country that say: "when you really want to do something, you can achieve it".
According to this proverb, I have not wanted it enough.
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Post by Sam on Feb 16, 2020 17:18:28 GMT
I have wanted a real relationship, but have done nothing in real life to have one, I have only daydreamed about it. Just like my education ... except I have forced myself enough to get a degree and a job. There is a proverb in my country that say: "when you really want to do something, you can achieve it". According to this proverb, I have not wanted it enough. I'm not sure that's really accurate. Humans are kind of hardwired to take the easier, more comfortable route and that's definitely daydreaming. Take relationships for example: you might really, really want a relationship in real life, but daydreaming about one has a) instant gratification and b) none of the unpredictable unpleasantness that comes with real life relationships. You can have everything you desire (and better, since you control everything) in your daydreams, and that's frequently enough to overcome whatever motivation you have for achieving something in real life, even if that motivation is very strong.
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Post by philippe on Feb 17, 2020 9:01:02 GMT
sam Yes, but I have however achieved some goals in my life despite this daydream "trap" you described. It's why I said I may have lacked of motivation for relationships.
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